Whenever I bring it up, however, it causes friction between us, and I can see her back away from the topic
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have a friend who is in a great relationship but can’t seem to commit to her boyfriend. We know they are made for each other and believe they should try harder to make this work but, for some reason, they just take the whole thing lightly. As a friend, I believe I have to support her no matter what she decides, but I also don’t want to stand by and do nothing when she throws away something so special. Whenever I bring it up, however, it causes friction between us, and I can see her back away from the topic. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I also don’t want to be the person saying “I told you so” a decade from now when she realises what she had and what she threw away. What can I do to make her see this?
You have presumably said what you had to say and given her a chance to think about it. What she decides to do is always going to be her prerogative because she and her boyfriend alone know what that relationship is about, and how strong or shallow it is. You and your friends may have strong reasons to believe it is perfect, but it is unfair to project your idea of perfection onto what they have and what they are choosing to do. If she regrets it a decade from now, that’s what life lessons are about. What do you hope to get by being the person who can say ’I told you so’?
My friend and I are trying to date as many guys as we can, but there is always something wrong with the men we meet. They just want to chat and then never call us again. I don’t know if we are doing something wrong. Please help.
The only thing to do is keep meeting people and, if possible, engage with them as men you want to get to know, as opposed to men you want to date.
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