The drastic change you expect may, in reality, be a series of smaller, rather inconsequential ones. You may wake up one morning, a few months from now, ready to give this another shot
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 29-year old woman and was in a long-term relationship that ended after five years. My ex and I were supposed to marry, but it broke off because he panicked at the last minute. I have been struggling with his decision for almost a year now and feel as if I can no longer trust men. A few people have asked me out lately, and I have rejected them all because I don’t know how to go about this. I worry that I may put in a lot of effort, get to know them, feel as if I want to spend the rest of my life with them, and then end up at this exact same position a few years from now. Maybe I am being unreasonable, but it doesn’t seem as if I can get into anything serious unless something changes drastically. I worry that I may be single all my life just because of how this has traumatised me. How do I get over this?
You can’t expect to get over a traumatic event overnight, so it’s reasonable to assume you can’t expect to stay single all your life based solely on how you feel currently. Yes, you have been through something terrible, and yes, it will take you some time to begin trusting people again. The only way through this is to date only when you feel as if you’re ready and give yourself as much time as you need to feel strong enough to take that step. You can go out sooner if you feel as if it may distract you from what you’re feeling, but that only addresses the symptoms, not the cause. Don’t be too hard on yourself and try putting aside the idea of future relationships until you are ready to look at them more objectively. The drastic change you expect may, in reality, be a series of smaller, rather inconsequential ones. You may wake up one morning, a few months from now, ready to give this another shot.
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