Do Mumbaikars prefer discussing their sex lives with friends?
32, Marketing professional
If I have a problem with my wife in bed, we discuss it among ourselves. I would rather not have my friends imagining things and giving me solutions, as everyone is equally clueless. I encourage the same behaviour from her too, the only thing is I have to keep my ego aside. So far, this has worked for us.
24, Copy writer
It is something I indulged in when in college, gleefully talking about how good the boy has been, both physically and emotionally. Today, I would only discuss my relationship problems, not something to do with bedroom business. If you need answers about intimate issues, googling might give one more options than our friends who haven’t experienced the same problem. But if you spare the minute details, some friendly banter about your sex lives is okay.
27, Media professional
Among all my friends, I have one particular friend with whom I can talk about anything without being judged. And, it helps to talk rather than let these thoughts eat me up from the inside. It would make me uncomfortable to talk with the rest of the girls as they are mutual friends with my partner. I would expect the same from him as a matter of trust.
30, Sales executive
I think bragging about one’s sex lives is degrading the woman; it’s worse if they know the person in question. One never knows when the person might crop up in a conversation behind the partner’s back. As for my partner, I know her friends and trust them, so sometimes, if an issue is troubling us, I don’t mind her quizzing her girlfriends. They have the decency to not make a joke out of it or mention it when I am around.
I don’t want someone to be privy of the issues I face in bed. Neither do I want someone discussing it with me. As for day-to-day relationship issues, it’s always good to talk it out with your friends when you find some free time to let off some pressure. Sometimes, a solution actually comes out of these chats. Intimacy talks with friends is a no for me.
Ameeta Sanghavi Shah, relationship counsellor
“A lot of people discuss sensitive topics with their friends as ego issues and discomfort come in the way of directly talking with the person with whom you are having a problem. Also, sex is considered to be a taboo in many cultures.
The third party, in this situation, should be a balanced person who can work with you rather than take over the situation and make it worse. A know-it-all would make it worse as you don’t need to jump to conclusions and take the advice, as there are many answers to any problem. Speaking with the third party helps lighten the heart.
If you are scared of speaking with your partner, you should try using what we call ‘soft language’. This involves using words such as ‘what I feel’, ‘what are your thoughts about it’, ‘maybe’, ‘I don’t know but...’. You should not be or sound judgmental. Brainstorm instead.”