'Want a bigger penis? Why don't you pray for it?'

I want to make my penis big and healthy. It is 6 inches at present, but I want to make it at least 8 inches. What should I do to fulfil my dream? I am 24 years old.
Eat vegetarian food for 12 straight weeks, to begin with. Avoid looking at anything that may arouse you. Pray as much as you can, because deities tend to look favourably upon men who do not accept the bodies they have been born with. Read as much as you can, provided the books you choose aren't pornographic or written by politicians. If you must watch television, avoid news channels because they may cause irreparable harm to your grey cells, which, in turn, may prevent your body from growing grow the way it is supposed to. Do this for a few years and you ought to be satisfied with your penis by the time you turn 30. If you're not, you can always buy an SUV.

I have been single for two years now, which is abnormal according to my friends. They believe I need to be in a relationship because I can't have a good time with them if they go out with their dates. I don't think I need to be in a relationship just because they want me to, but they now keep me out of group plans and it annoys me. I don't want to be pressured into doing something unless I feel it. Am I being unreasonable?
You are being perfectly reasonable; it's your friends who aren't. No one gets into relationships just so they can hang out with other people who are in relationships. If your friends genuinely believe that, they obviously aren't the brightest people around, and I foresee problems with their own relationships in future. If they feel as if your company alone isn't enough on these group trips, maybe you should re-evaluate how your friends see you and, more importantly, what role they play in your life.