Ex blames me for our bitter break-up

Illustration/ Uday Mohite

I broke up with my boyfriend over three months ago, after a four-year relationship. Everyone we knew assumed we would end up marrying each other, but it was a bad break-up and decided to never be with each other. At the time, we both knew it was the right decision as there had been serious problems for a long time. The thing is, we are still in touch, and he always sends me messages every other week, blaming me for what happened. He is nasty all the time and is unable to put this behind him. It takes a toll on me, because I can't move on if he refuses to let it go. How do I deal with it? He just doesn't seem to get over it.

Why do you have to deal with something that doesn't concern you anymore? If the two of you decided to separate, it was a decision made by two adults who presumably gave it a lot of thought. If things didn't work out, there were two people responsible for why that happened. If he hasn't moved on, that is something he needs to work on. You are under no obligation to accept his nasty messages just because he refuses to shoulder his part of the blame for that failure. If the messages continue to upset you, I would urge you to consider not communicating until he reaches a place of some maturity.

My ex-girlfriend wants to stay in touch with me despite the fact that I am now dating someone else. Is this a risky move for me to make?

Why exactly is it risky? Do you assume it will be a problem because it may jeopardise your current relationship? Will it hurt you in some way to still be in touch with her? Think about what she means to you, and whether you still consider her to be a friend. This is a choice you have to make based simply upon whether you want her in your life or not.

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