12 July,2010 07:11 AM IST | | The FYI Team
Finding the right guy and keeping them hooked is a piece of cake vis-a-vis getting them to commit, says dating coach Jess Mccann. In the second and concluding part of the this series,u00a0FYI tells you how to close the deal and be a champ in the dating game
Dating is a tricky game where there are more chances of falling flat on your face rather than getting a foothold and climbing up.
You may have come across the one-in-a-million guy and managed to catch his attention but there's no guarantee he will commit and walk down the aisle with you.
"Getting a guy to commit to a relationship doesn't happen over night. It takes six to eight months to close a deal. Like in sales, it is a long process. I can't reveal my ultimate intentions right away and neither can you.
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In the meantime, don't shoot yourself in the foot by cutting to the chase," says dating coach Jess McCann in her book You Lost Him at Hello.
Read the explosive excerpts to know more about how to close the deal successfully and how to chart the road ahead.
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Closing the deal
Never assume
Until you have that contract signed and in your hand, you haven't closed the deal. Doesn't matter what stage of a relationship you are in two weeks, two months, two years. If he wants to marry you, he will tell you. If he doesn't tell you, it's a big red flag that you should worry about. Don't assume he isn't giving you what you want because he's had a bad past, a bad mother, or a bad ex-girlfriend. People do what they want to do. Likewise, they don't do what they don't want to do.
Sense of urgency: You absolutely need to create a Sense Of Urgency (SOU), especially if you want to take the relationship all the way. When you start dating someone, give him two choices of when to see you. But be smart about it. Don't tell him you are free either Friday night or Saturday night. Make at least one of the nights a weeknight.
The Silent No: When a guy suddenly decides he doesn't want to see you anymore, he may stop calling you as much hoping you will get the hint. There is no such thing as a commitment-phobe. It's a fairy tale character, made up by some guy who was too chicken to tell his girlfriend he didn't really love her anymore.
Don't sweeten the deal: Gifts and favours won't make a man love you. A great product doesn't need extra incentives. In fact, when too many incentives are thrown in, it makes people think twice about what they are buying.
What motivates him to marry
Listing all he has to gain by marrying you won't make him marry you. What does work is the attitude that you aren't sticking around if the situation is not going in the right direction.
Fear of loss: Fear is the most motivating factor in the human experience, and Fear Of Loss (FOL) is what ultimately drives men to marriage. When a man meets a woman who knocks his socks off, a woman he's afraid he might lose if he doesn't treat her right, then he can't wait to get her down that aisle!
Buyer's remorse: You must also be careful that you don't close the deal with the wrong person. You have to be sure that you are dealing with a quality customer; someone whose needs are met by your product, and not someone you just think you can close the deal on. Otherwise you will suffer from buyer's remorse that will last for years.
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Maintaining the right mentality
Don't drink and date
When you go on a date you may be a little nervous and having a drink or two can take the edge off. But as alcohol can give you a false sense of confidence, it makes it impossible to think logically.
The drunk dial: Alcohol and cell phones are a toxic combination. For some reason when women get drunk they love to pick up the phone and dial the one they love. Unfortunately they don't realise that getting too drunk always leads to verbal vomiting. You could ruin your chances of hitting it off with a great guy if you do.
No means next
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how good a salesperson you are, some customers just aren't meant to be sold. It has nothing to do with the product, the presentation or anything else in your control. So the best thing to do is to move on when you get to that point. Don't make the mistake of thinking that everything is within your control.
Get the basics right: As long as you go back to prospecting, you will find another potential customer. Just go back to the basics: prospect, fill your funnel and keep a positive attitude.
The waiting game: Women sometimes drive themselves bananas while sitting around waiting for a phone call. They climb walls waiting for their latest strategy to play out. Understand that sometimes you will be in a situation where you really can't and shouldn't do anything but wait. Think of it like a game of chess. You make a move and then wait until the other player makes his. You cannot get impatient. He may make his move right away, or it may take him a while. But you cannot make another move until he does.
Practice in Game-like Conditions: Practice it on a Mr Ok-For-Now or Mr Nice-But-Not-Really-My Type. Try using Sense Of Urgency on your back-up guy. You won't feel as much pressure if you practice with men you aren't seriously interested in; however, you will get a feel of how to use the technique and how men will react to them. Then when it's game time, you won't question yourself.
