I am disappointed that my hubby didn't side with me

Dear Diana,
I always fight my own battles. I'm very opinionated and don't hesitate to speak my mind. I've never expected anyone to speak on my behalf or 'take up for me,' so to speak. But I am very disappointed with my husband's behaviour.

I've been married for almost a year now. At a dinner, his cousin and I got into an argument and he got really rude. I decided I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I requested my husband that we don't invite him over until he apologises to me for going too far.
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He refused to do it. He said that he didn't want to take sides between his wife and his cousin. It really hurt me when he said that. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

Neha
Dear Neha,
I don't think you are wrong in not wanting to invite a boor over. I think your husband is being a little insensitive by saying he cannot take sides. No one is asking him to take sides. You haven't asked him to stop talking to his cuz. But you have a say in who is welcome in your home and who isn't.

And if this cousin has insulted you, then you have every right to not have him over to your place till he apologizes. I think your hubby should respect your wishes about who comes into your house.

Sit him down and make him listen to why you are so upset. But don't be too hard on him. If he still maintains his stand, then make it clear that you want no part of it. If and when he calls this cuz over, stay n your bedroom. Or better still leave the house and only return after he has left. Make it obvious to him that he's not welcome.
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Maybe you'll shame him into apologising. If not, ignore him. Maybe your husband owes him some loyalty and cannot snub him. Situations with families are always tricky.

Don't let it create a rift between you and your husband. Like you said you've never needed anyone to speak up for you, why expect your husband to do it now? You can deal with this yourself.

He's rebuilding bridges with his ex

Dear Diana,
My husband of ten years has been sending text messages to an old friend. They were never romantic but he had feelings for her at one point.

They'd lost touch and I had no idea that they were texting each other till I saw some messages on his phone. He texts her about ten times a day. When I confronted him he said it was innocent and it was only text messages.

But I think it's excessive. I feel like he's more into her. I cry when he isn't around, and when he is, we fight. What should I do?

Name withheld
Dear Friend,
None of the texts you've read seem to imply that any funny is going on between them. While I do think it's appropriate for him to be texting her ten times a day, but should you worry if it is really innocent? Maybe he is just missing her and is staying in touch with her.

Talk to him and tell him that you think it's excessive. Ask him if he still has feelings for her, and is hoping to get close to her now. Ask him if she's involved with someone or married? Fighting and crying won't get you anywhere.

Just keep track of the messages every now and then. See how long this goes on. If it continues to be harmless, best to ignore it.

Scared of committing

Dear Diana,
I am a 22 and I am not the most positive guy in the world. My life hasn't been easy.

Bad family problems and stormy relationships have left me scared of committing and letting people come close to me. Now I am in love with a sweet innocent girl , who has led the most protected life.

She loves and understands me. But sometimes I need my space, and she gets paranoid. In the past, I've broken up but she waits for me till I'm calm and accepts me. I love her and hate myself for hurting her. Am I being stupid? I really love her.

B
Dear Friend,
The thought of settling down is daunting but this might be the actual girl you're meant to be with. You are good together and love each other, not everybody gets that. So why give up on that? I think communication is needed, you sound very worried about getting hurt again.
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Understandable. Nevertheless you cannot push people who are close to you away. This girl will not "wait around" forever, I think you'd be making a big mistake if you gave up.
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You have landed a good one, don't worry about the future, be happy now and see where it takes both of you!