Loved her then, love her now. Tell her?

Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

Loved her then, love her now. Tell her?

Dear Diana,
During 1990-1998, I was studying in Mumbai. I met my ex-girlfriend while in school. On my behalf, one of my friends proposed to her & she replied with a yes after six months. Thereafter it was a fairytale love story for us which lasted seven years. She was a year younger to me, so by the time she finished her graduation, she started getting marriage proposals but I did not have a proper job in hand by then. Our religions are the same but we parted ways because my parents wanted me to get a job first. She moved abroad after her wedding.
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Illustration/sameer pawar

Six years later, she mailed me on my birthday. She got my email ID through a common friend. We got in touch after that and still speak to each other frequently. I got married couple of years back. Lately, I have started missing my ex-girlfriend very much and have even started having fantasies about her. Diana, I just want to tell my ex-girlfriend that I still love her from bottom of my heart. Will this create a problem between me and my ex?
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I do not want to lose her again; I have already lost her once. In those seven years we were together, we never had a single fight which we are still proud of. I do not want her to stop talking to me and if she does, I know I will lose her forever. But at the same time, I want to share my feelings with her.
Raaz

Dear Raaz,
You were together seven years without a fight and separated because your parents decided you weren't ready for marriage. Of course, that you could have proved them wrong by simply getting a job ASAP, rather than do something childish. For the sake of your parents, you let go of the love of your life. Someone you'd never be able to forget. She's keeping in touch purely because you two once shared a connection - a connection she'd like to keep alive at its barest minimum. She's married and so are you. What happened is in the past. Let it remain there. Of course, you can tell her that you will continue loving her from the bottom of your heart.

There's nothing wrong with that. But is telling her that you fantasise about her going to make a difference if she's happy the way things are? If you're dreaming that she'll get caught by the romance of it all and get swept up into your arms, that's just a pipe dream. Especially if she's happily married. It's completely natural for her to understand that her ex still has feelings for her, but it's imperative she's sure that he won't act on those feelings unless she's comfortable with it.

How big an age difference is an okay one?

Dear Diana,
I am 35 years old and I work abroad. I plan to marry sometime this year. The girl should be aged 25 to 29.u00a0 How far an age gap will be considered a generation gap (and therefore deem her unsuitable).u00a0 I desire that my would-be wife and I share a good understanding. I personally feel a big age difference isn't working to my advantage

Suresh

Dear Suresh,
It's all in the mind, really. You can get along with someone only if you want to). Agreed, the younger she is, the two of you are going to be far less compatible. But that shouldn't come in the way of the two of you doing just fine if you work at it. No successful marriage can be put down to being a perfect match. One has to work at making it perfect. At making it work. Being committed doesn't come easy to most people. Understanding between you and a prospective bride can only come, once the two of you get to know each other.

Hubby shows me no love!

Dear Diana,
I am 29 and have been married three years. I am fed up of my life. My husband doesn't have sex with me. It has been nearly six months. He has not touched me since we got married. When I try to, he shouts at me. Also, my mom-in-law is a big liar and because of her, my husband screams at me. He's too stingy, isn't sincere at work and whiles away his time flirting with girls. Now he's got serious about work, but because of that he completely avoids me and never even hugs me. He had a serious relationship with a girl for nine years. I feel he hasn't gotten over her. What should I do?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,
You put up with this for three years?? Don't you have any spine left? If a thankless, loveless marriage is your idea of a life, you seriously need to begin thinking about a new one. You haven't just married this guy because your folks told you to, it was also because you desired to have a companion; someone you could share your littlest joys and sorrows with. Not a wastrel, philanderer, momma's boy and a lovelorn fool. You seriously need to consider the possibility that it is probably in your best interests to let go, of this marriage. It holds no joy, no sense of fulfillment, no satisfaction. Do what's best for you.