22 October,2010 09:20 AM IST | | Diana
Dear Diana,
We have been married for 18 years and have two grown up kids. One day I found out that my wife is having a secret relationship with a married family friend who is younger than her. I saw intimate text messages on her mobile from him.u00a0 Her mobile bills show they talk every day.
She says they are just friends. But at a family party I saw them playing footsieu00a0 under the table. We had a terrible fight and I asked for a divorce. She has said that she will not be in touch with him anymore, but I still feel that they are continuing the relationship secretly. I cannot believe her.
She denies having any affair but all these incidents do not indicate a healthy relationship. I even thought of revealing this to my "friend's" wife, but did not do it since I felt this will disturb her too. This is killing me from within and I don't know what to do.
Viki
Dear Viki,
Sometimes people stray. She has stayed true to you for 18 years. And that is a long time to throw away on a suspicion. If she says she isn't having an affair with him, maybe she is telling you the truth. Maybe they were just flirting.
Agreed, your wife should not have done thatu00a0 with your friend, or any other man but I think you should give her a chance. Sometimes relationships become better after going through trying times, and I hope it is the case with you and your wife.
Maybe you have been ignoring her and she began to enjoy the attention lavished on her by another man. It's only human to feel loved and wanted. Give her a chance to prove to you that she wasn't lying. If she says she won't stay in touch with this guy, then you should try and make it work. Mistakes happen. Don't throw away your marriage over that.
Ek phool, do maali...
Dear Diana,
My boyfriend and I love each other and will be getting married this year. This guy I loved earlier, but who never showed any interest in me, now claims he always loved me and wants to marry me. I don't know whom to choose.
Name withheld on request
Dear Friend,
Do you see yourself with your current boyfriend or with the other guy 10 years later? Will this guy love you and cherish you for the rest of your life the way your fianc ufffd can? Can you trust that his feelings are really true and he's not fooling you? If your answer is 'yes' to all, you know what to do.
She dumped me, should I forget her?
Dear Diana,
I'm 22 years old. For the past two years, I have been in love with a girl. In the beginning of our relationship, she said she loved me too. However, a year into the relationship, she broke up with me. She said she could not go on as I belonged to a different religion. I don't know if that is her true reason or just an excuse.
I love her very much. We continued to be friends for another year, but now she no longer keeps in touch with me. I heard from a common friend that she has had affairs with two other guys after me.u00a0 Should I forget her? Or do I still have a chance?
Sahil
Dear Sahil,
I really don't think you have a chance now. She may or may not have been with other guys, but it's obvious that the girl has moved on. She knew about your religion before she hooked up with you, yet used it as an excuse to break it off later.
That shows she is not reliable. If she was really interested in you, she had ample time (two years) to come back to you. I would suggest you move on too. It's tough to put aside memories of a whole year and make a new start, but that's what you have to do now.u00a0 Good luck.
