Why is he comparing me to "perfect" pornstars?

Dear Diana,

Why do I just "have to accept" porn in my life? My husband masturbates to porn. Sure, our sex life is great. But why does he have to look at other naked women? I don't look like them, and unfortunately no amount of "I don't love you any less" is going to take away the feeling I'm being compared. After seeing images of "perfect" women, I feel uglier.

I always hear from everyone to just get over it, let him do it, he's doing nothing wrong. Just accept it and move on. What if it bothers me? Does that not matter? Are his feelings the only ones that need to be understood and accepted? Why do I have to change for him, why can't he change for me? I love him a lot so I don't want to leave him, but why do I have to change? I say even more because I have made a LOT of sacrifices for him, I've stopped doing things that bother him.

I also stopped talking to some male friends he didn't like. All this makes me feel like he loves porn more than me. He's not addicted and I'm not uptight in bed so don't blame that on me.

Name withheld

Dear Friend,

You talk of making sacrifices. I'm sure he has made some for you as well. He has shown that he will be honest with you, so just let it go. That, or end the relationship on account of his being inconsiderate. Point is: if you don't want to hear the real truth, don't go looking for it.

Had this been a hidden trait, you would have reason for argument. Of course, him asking you to stop speaking to your male friends is a bit much. To prove a point about how serious you are that he quit watching porn or stop comparing you to these "epitomes of perfection", start doing everything he has insisted that you do not. Tell him to give up porn or you won't do what he expects you to. Fair trade.

The fact that he is not an addict works in your favour, so it won't be difficult to wean him off the habit. Don't get confrontational, get smart.



I can't ask her if she loves me or not

Dear Diana,

I am 20 years old. I have fallen in love with a charming girl. I don't know what her name is. She doesn't know my name either. I meet her daily in the train on my way to work. She looks at me continously. I look at her too. what should I do? I don't know she loves me or not. But I can't ask her!
u00a0
Salman

Dear Salman,

Simply staring at each other won't help. Introduce yourself or get introduced somehow. Figure out how to strike up a conversation with her. She knows you exist and is interested. Take the next step. Find the courage and ask her out. Stop being such a coward!

I don't want to get pregnant again!

Dear Diana,

I wrote to you regarding an abortion I had 15 days back. On the 16th day, I had sexual intercourse with my husband, who is unaware of my abortion. The very next day, I took a contraceptive pill. Now my husband has gone back to work. I am afraid. I don't want to get pregnant again. Today is the fourth day after the sexual act. Will I get pregnant?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,

Having sex so soon after an abortion will lead to complications, including telltale signs like bleeding. Not to mention, infections. You should have insisted on your husband wearing a condom citing that you weren't keen on another child. Consider that you CAN get pregnant so soon after an abortion.

Visit a gynaec at your earliest and ask for advice. Contraceptive pills help but are not foolproof. Don't self-medicate yourself without proper supervision.