LAST September, Grammy Award- winning singer- songwriter Sam Smith came out as non- binary and asked to be addressed by the pronouns they/ them. The 27- yearold wrote on Instagram: u201c After a lifetime of being at war with my gender, Iu2019ve decided to embrace myself for who I am, inside and out.u201d Smith went on to add that on hearing people speak about non- binary identity, which is used to describe those who identify as neither exclusively male nor female, they thought, u201c f''', thatu2019s me.u201d Sitting thousands of miles away in Panvel, Ria Sharma knew exactly what Smith was experiencing. In 2017, Sharma came out as gender- fluid. As a child, Sharma felt u201c a little bit boy, and, sometimes, girlu201d. Their parents had sensed the conflict early on, and were accepting of their childu2019s uniqueness. u201c Itu2019s not that I was a fan of Smith, but when they made the announcement, I thought it was brave and inspiring,u201d says the 20- year- old.
Sharmau2019s list of queer idols also includes Alok Vaid Menon, a New York- based performance artiste, and Mumbai artist- sculptor Durga Gawde. Both prefer to be referred to by the pronoun, they.
The pronounu2019s takeover of the singular sense, and as alternative to s/ he, seems to be gaining legitimacy. In December 2019, Merriam- Webster dictionary announced u2018 theyu2019 as the word of the year. Subsequently, the American Dialect Society, a 131- year- old group comprising linguists, lexicographers, grammarians, historians and researchers, declared they as the word of the decade. The pronoun, in fact, beat other contenders in the decade category, including # Black- LivesMatter, # MeToo, climate, emoji, meme, opioid crisis and woke. u201c The selection is a reflection of how the personal expression of gender identity has become an increasing part of our shared discourse,u201d the chair of the American Dialect Societyu2019s New Words Committee, Ben Zimmer, said in a statement. The initial stamp of approval, though, came three years ago when the Oxford English Dictionary added the terms to its fold, defining it as u201c a person who does not identify with a single fixed gender; of or relating to a person having or expressing a fluid or unfixed gender identity.u201d T hink of it as a grandfather clock pendulum, says Rohan Mathews, who works as project manager for sexual minorities organisation Sangama in Bengaluru. u201c If you were to place masculine on one end of the spectrum and feminine on the other, my gender would be like the pendulum, constantly oscillating.u201d Like Sharma, Mathews is vocal about their pronoun preference.
On most days, sometimes, even by the minute, Mathewsu2019 feelings fluctuate between male and female. The clothes match the mood. Itu2019s sarees on days they are feeling feminine; on other days, it ranges from shirts to kurtas. u201c The minute I wear a saree and walk around, the question I get is, why donu2019t you shave? Or why donu2019t you try wearing a padded bra, because it will make your chest look a lot more attractive. Looking at me, some queer folk assume that I will opt for a medical transition eventually, but I donu2019t feel the need for one.u201d Mathews, 23, is happy to not conform to any particular gender.
The difference between gender identity and gender expression, they say, is often lost in conversation.
u201c To put it simply, gender identity is about how you feel. Gender expression is about how you choose to present [ yourself].u201d Fluidity is essentially about expanding boundaries, says Sharma, who gravitates towards androgynous clothing. But, itu2019s one thing to convince people that you are queer, and another to get them to address you with the pronoun of your choice. Itu2019s not uncommon for Sharma to land into disagreements over the topic with peers. u201c A couple of friends refused to address me as they. They said, weu2019ll call you what weu2019re comfortable with.
While, these labels arenu2019t stringent, like sealed boxes, they give me a sense of identity. Sometimes, itu2019s important.u201d It took a bit of getting used to, but Sharmau2019s parents now use they when addressing their child.
Mathews agrees that itu2019s not easy to tear down stereotypes, because we are conditioned to binaries. u201c I donu2019t get offended if somebody uses a pronoun of their choice [ to address me], as long they arenu2019t deliberately doing it to rub me the wrong way.u201d Not everybody may be fluent in the language of gender, and pro- ANJU MASKERI AND P VATSALYA Swapnil Alizeh recently requested a meeting with a future employer at an ad agency to discuss how gender sensitive his organisation is. A bitter experience at their earlier workplace necessitated it, they say. PIC/ PRADEEP DHIVAR Rohan Mathews, a resident of Bengaluru, says their feelings oscillate by the minute, and the clothes often match the mood.
But the minute they sport a saree, they are asked, u2018 why donu2019t you shave?u2019 PIC/ AJEESH RAWTHER Praful Baweja, co- founder 6 Degrees, an LGBTQIA+ job- seeking platform, says most gender fluid persons are hesitant to ask employers if a gendersensitisation policy is in place, because of the fear of discrimination
