‘All people are more than their disability’

Mihaan Dhall (left) and Vir Kapoor (right) jam with their friend Rustom Warden (behind) at Marine Drive

Mihaan Dhall, 20
Student, dancer, golfer

Vir Kapoor, 20
Student, singer, baker

Mihaan Dhall says: "I am a dog lover. Currently a student of Skill Shakti, a life and work skills programme, I go to bootcamp and to Special Hangout [an inclusive hub for Mumbai's neurodivergent community]. I do NIOS - National Institute of Open Schooling. I love dancing and movies. I prioritise fitness over everything else."

Mihaan has Down Syndrome. In his mother's words, he is "a chatterbox and social butterfly constantly planning the next party. He enjoys writing and photography. Golf is an obsession and he hopes to make it to the Special Olympics someday."

Sharing a light moment

Vir Kapoor says: "I solve puzzles and Meccano sets. I bake. I work out, cycle and swim. I have walked the ramp twice and run the marathon twice to raise money. I love going on camps, dancing and singing. I play board games like Ludo and Snakes and Ladders, and basketball with Mihaan."

Vir is autistic. His mother says, "Early schooling was tough for us. Schools were not equipped to support Vir's learning needs. Once a special educator was assigned to him, he flourished. Despite learning a lot at a leading school, the social gap between Vir and his classmates widened, till we enrolled him at a special school where he did well."

Both boys' mothers have initiated the Buddy Up Network, an inclusive and accessible social app for people with and without disabilities.
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Vir Kapoor: The first time I met Mihaan, we baked chocolate chip cookies. Calling my mom and his mom couch potatoes [they just sat around letting us cook], he made me laugh. I thought him very funny. Mihaan's family is amazing. I like hanging with them.

Mihaan Dhall: Vir had come to my house. He was quiet and shy. I joked and we became good friends. Vir's dad and mom are fun, not a slight tinge of strictness. His sister Gayatri is smart and cool.

With Coach Warden (left) after a Marathon run. Pics courtesy Moneisha Gandhi and Gopika Kapoor

VK: I became close friends with my fitness coach Rustom Warden too. I joined his bootcamp at Oval maidan and now intern with him, training kids at the Cricket Club of India. He's also my music teacher. I sing Stand by Me, Let's Twist Again, Livin' on a Prayer, We Are the Champions and Hey Jude with his band, Bombay Beatnik Buskers.

MD: Rustom believes everyone can make friends through music. That's why he included more people in this band, especially the neurodiverse community.

VK: Our weekend outings are movies, meals at restaurants and SoundRise music shows.
At sleepovers, we play board games and stay up till 12 doing Wordle. We've been on two camps together: Inme, Uttarakhand and NALS (National Adventure and Leadership School), Coonoor. I love being outdoors, cliff jumping from a rock down to the river, ziplining, rappelling, bridge crossing and kayaking.

MD: We are happy to be regularly in touch. Sleeping over, at my house in Colaba or his in Lower Parel, is a tradition we have kept up for long.

At Vir's bake sale

VK: With Buddy Up, I've made lots of new friends.

MD: I feel excited to connect with everyone from all over India.

VK: I have learnt to talk more from Mihaan. We chat about what we did when we were small, about places where we have been. I like that he cracks jokes with me and listens to me, and admire that he plays golf well.

MD: We mainly joke, as we both love to laugh! Vir is very fast at puzzles. And so independent - he can get taxis and Ubers by himself, and cross the road by himself. That has motivated me to cross the road on my own. We generally don't argue. But sometimes he makes a joke at the wrong place or time and it distracts me. Like when I'm trying to exercise.

VK: Mihaan is afraid of the dark, so I keep a torchlight on till he falls asleep. When Mihaan felt bad that he couldn't GPay for a movie at Metro, I told him he could try next time. When we were watching Captain America: Brave New World, he got scared because of so much shooting. He went home. I watched the rest of the movie by myself. He messaged later, saying he was feeling bad. I told him, don't worry, we'll meet soon.

MD: At our internship, the kids were tickling him a lot and he ran away screaming. I told him to try not to run and scream because kids often react by doing that more. In exercise class, I told Vir not to take gulps of water, instead sip between exercises or the stomach will hurt. I've experienced that.

VK: To chill we go to the Oval for bootcamp, Starbucks at Colaba for coffee (I have cold coffee, Mihaan iced mocha). We enjoy SoundRise concerts at Radio Club and Cooperage Bandstand, and listening to Rustom's brother's band, One Empire, at Anti-Social.

MD: Vir and I dance throughout those performances. That's the reason we have dinner before; I only want to dance when I go. It gets very crowded, so I'm always in front.

VK: I have goals. Flying by myself, doing baking courses, developing computer work levels, singing, running. I'm skilled with mechanical things, assembling radios and cable car models. To think differently about the world of disabilities, people should watch my India Autism Centre film.

MD: The only disability is to see a person "as less", inferior. Children, young adults, all people, are more than their disability. Yes, their brain is wired in a different way but they might shock you by even learning or doing something harder for you to learn or do. Individuals with disabilities can do anything they set their mind to. We are all the same in our hearts.

What is Buddy Up

.  The forum (www.buddyup.network) allows connections based on age, interests, location, disability and gender
.  The safe space allows the disability community to engage in conversations, find friendship and love
.  Caregivers making connections for their wards can also connect with other caregivers

Author-publisher Meher Marfatia writes monthly on city friendships. You can reach her at meher.marfatia@mid-day.com/www.meher marfatia.com