14 June,2026 08:01 AM IST | Mumbai | Rahul da Cunha
Illustration/Uday Mohite
The Bhangra jumped up and said, "What ya, oye⦠how dare those people dance the Garba, oye!"
"Why you upset, Bhangra praaji? Was it because they were making a nuisance, giving our country a bad name?" the Ghumar asked.
"Or is it because they were dancing on the tarmac of an airfield?" the Odissi enquired.
"Na na, it is not because of those things, we Indians have always been bad tourists, it is because I am wanting to know why those people chose to dance the Garba with dandiya sticks? Why the Garba from Gujarat? Why not any other dance?"
"Because, they were probably Gujaratis," the Kathak suggested.
"Listen to me oye, you are saying only Gujarati people can dance Garba. Arrey, we all type Indians can do Bhangra dance, in the fields of Ludhiana on Baisakhi or the discos and resto pubs in Lokhandwala, everyone dances Bhangra. Why they did not dance our Punjabi Bhangra on that Vietnam airfield? Probably, everyone would have joined, all the other passengers, the pilot also."
"And that other group of tourists who were doing âChaiya Chaiya' on the tracks of a railway station?" asked the Bihu from Assam, "Are you saying they should also have danced the Bhangra?"
The Bharatanatyam said, "I disagree, they could have done my dance, my steps, go graceful, no one would have objected."
The Lawani, dressed in her colourful nine-yard sari, said to the Bharatanatyam, "Listen, your steps and moves are so
complex, the average person would not be able manage - those tourists should have done our Maharastrian Lawani⦠so joyful, so happy."
The Bollywood Dance said, "Let me proudly say that my dance is now an international dance movement... anybody can do it, and everybody does it, from the sets of Bollywood movies to baaraats in weddings - we are a worldwide phenomenon."
The Kuchipudi was enraged, "Don't get me started. Your Bollywood dance keeps changing, one day it was Saroj Khan style, then its Bosco Caesar, next its some other choreographer⦠And you guys have random steps, Chaiya Chaiya to Shaaava Shaava to Tauba Tauba!"
The Bollywood Dance, smiled at the Kuchipudi and said, â"Ah sour grapes I see, while you're restricted to Andhra Pradesh, I am a worldwide figure."
"Agree to disagree," the Kuchipudi said, flashing her eyelashes.
The Belly Dance who had been quiet upto now, jumped up, and said, "Ah you're talking my language⦠international dance."
The other dances were a little sceptical.
The Kathakali was most visibly upset, "Are you suggesting you want us to be represented by a cheap dance not a traditional one?"
The Belly Dance whispered, "Everyone, excuse me, but as wonderful as you all, you're all too too traditional, too region specific. You need to open your eyes to world dance, if you are going to be world class irritants, terrible tourists, at least have a fabulous dance. Did you see our mentor and world icon dance at the FIFA opening, Shakira, with her waves and moves on the song âDai Dai'?"
The Salsa got up, "See I'm Indian and I'm Cuban, and I've made up a song that can be sung to any dance, from Cha-cha-cha to Ballroom, to Belly dance to Bhangra to Bharatanatyam to Bihu.
When Indians go to any foreign country and they want to disturb the piece - here goes - they dance the Salsa and mouth these lyrics:
Dai Dai, hai hai
Dai Dai, hum hai bhai bhai
We dance dance, dance pe chance
If in Vietnam or France
We are Number 1. nuisance
On tarmac or tracks
Great wall of China
During lunch, or at a diner
We will place our two- in- one
One for all and all for one
we will disrupt the peace
Even if we are paanch log or bees
We are desi, maybe crazy,
We will dance, we will litter
Dai, dai, hai hai
Dai dai, hum hai bhai bhai
We will dance, anywhere, everywhere
Wherever, whenever
As long as we are together
We have fun
Dum maaro dum
Dai dai, hai hai.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
