Lobo Lobo and VIVA

Illustration/Uday Mohite

Lobo Lobo, my cable TV tech guy came over dressed in a football jersey and carrying a trophy - it resembled the FIFA cup at the base, except at the top it was the Mumbai map (not the globe).

"Uhm, Lobo Lobo, want to explain to me what's going on, why are you carrying a trophy and wearing a football jersey?"

"See Dikuna men, let me tell you… I have one goal in my life, and onie one goal, esscuz de pun, and dat is to promote footer in our dis Mumbai and den hole hole of India. Why only cricket is so big big in our India? Arrey we follow European Footer Leeeg and not our own football in India, such a shame. Arsenal wins and we go toh ‘paagal', what about Assagaon Sports Club… or Andheri FC, we should support them too, na?"

"Well spoken," I said.

"Dikuna men, I'm beginning a footer tournament in dis our Mumbai called VIVA… Virar International Vuvuzela Association - dis will soon become de main footer esstravagaamza in India.

See men, so like in fie days FIFA begins and in six days, VIVA will start. Unlike FIFA which is every five years, VIVA will be annual. I'm like the Prakash Padukone, the Gopichand of football. I'm toh beginning many academies, in all all parts of Mumbai so far."

"That's quite commendable, Lobo Lobo."

"See Bossie, Dikuna, we even have a anthem song also, it is called WAKA WAKA (This time for Virar) - it goes like this:

Waka Waka, maka maka zai
waka waka maka maka zai
Let kick dis ball, lets kick it high
Goaaaaal, goal, duniya goaaaaal hai
we are Viva, VIVA, Viva Mumbai
VIVA India
We are football…Goaaaaal

"It's quite catchy, Lobo Lobo."
"Boss we have star players Messi, Mbappe and Ronaldo also playing in our tournament!"
"You've got Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Kylian Mbappe in your tournament?"
"No men, we have Shailesh Meswani pet name Messy, he's de king of Matunga, and Ronaldo my dat fifth cuzzin brudder from mudders side, lives in Mulund, he plays for my Virar team."
"And what about Mbappe, he's come all the way from France?"
"No men, Mbappe is Sadanand Vasantrao Mbappe from our side only near Palghar, he's originally from Baramati, he's so fast men, and his dribbling zweenk zweenk you can't see de ball onie."
"I see," I said.
"Dikuna men, we don't need to have all dis Spain and Argentina. Bleddy, every country including de size of Andheri has a team, but India no one supports so my tournament has ten teams, we have our first one starting today. Worli vs Versova, den Mulund vs Bhandup, Mira Road-Bhyandhar vs Vashi and so on played all over de city over tree weeks.
Den we even have a club - Inter-Milan."
"Wow, you've signed up Inter Milan, how did you manage to get an Italian team?"
No men not dat one, dis is Inter Milan, meaning Milan Subway - connecting two teams from Santa Cruz East and West. Both parts have a team… but dey have decided to put aside dere differences and call de team - Inter Milan.
Den we are in negotiations wid Man U."
"Wow, Manchester United! That's incredible."
"No men Man U, not Manchester United, dis is Manali and Uttarkhand. Dey have combined to form a team, so de short form is Man U."
"Happy for you, Lobo Lobo."
"So in conclusion, right now we I have begun an association called MARADONA."
"What does MARADONA stand for, Lobo Lobo? Deigo Maradona?" I asked.
"No men, mad o wot, MARADONA is standing for ‘Mankhurd-Airoli-Rhey Road-Andheri-Dahisar-Oshiwara-Nalasopara-Ambernath," Lobo Lobo concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com