How to tackle ‘mythology is history’ uncles

Illustration/Devdutt Pattanaik

So you've encountered a Sanatani who insists mythology is history? Excellent. Pull up a chair, wear your most innocent smile, and let the games begin.
Level 1: The Origin Story Trap

With the wide-eyed curiosity of a child who absolutely knows what they're doing, ask sweetly: "So if mythology is history… does that mean Brahmins literally came from Brahma's head? And Shudras from his feet?"

Then sit back. Grab a snack. You're about to witness the most elaborate mental gymnastics since the last Olympics. The answer will be long, layered, and somehow both yes and no simultaneously. Nod politely throughout.

Level 2: The Parashurama Parentage Problem

Once they've recovered, lean in conspiratorially and ask: "Fascinating! So historically speaking - when exactly did Parashurama wipe out ALL the Kshatriyas? And the widows then went to the Brahmin hills to… repopulate the warrior class?"

Let that sink in for a moment, then twist the knife gently: "So historically… every Kshatriya man alive today is paternally of Brahmin descent? Asking for a genealogy project."

Bonus mischief points: ask them to cross-reference this with astrology AND fit it neatly before both the Ramayana AND Mahabharata timelines. Watch them reach for a calculator they don't have.

Level 3: Ram's… Complicated Report Card

Now, with the face of a truly devoted student of history, ask: "If Ramayana is history - Ram was educated by the Brahmin Vashishta, correct? And then he killed the Brahmin Ravana?"

Pause. Let them begin their answer. Then, at precisely the right moment, add: "And also - as per Valmiki's Ramayana - Ram killed Shambuka, a low-caste man, for the crime of meditating?"

Observe. Document. This answer will be your finest harvest of the evening.

The Inevitable Conclusion

Collect all three answers. Arrange them side by side in your mind. Notice how they contradict each other in at least four directions.

Now brace yourself - because there is a very real chance you have just lost a friend. Not because your questions were wrong, but because they were too right. You will be informed, with great solemnity, that you are an anti-national traitor who probably also believes the Epstein files are a factual documentary about dancing politicians.

Smile. You asked questions. That's all. History should be able to handle questions.

If it can't… well. That tells you something too.

The British created the divide between history and mythology. They argued history is truth and mythology is falsehood. But today, we see how history is contested. Those who hate Nehru see history very differently from those who hate Savarkar. Vegetarians view history differently, insisting that even Mughal kings had turned vegetarian under influence of holy men. Feminists view history very differently.

And then comes those who do not like being told that science and technology came from Europe - that petrol comes from Arab lands, that railways and aeroplanes were introduced by the British. They want to believe that Vedas contained nuclear weapons and knowledge of airplanes. Ask them why this was not used against Islamic invasion, and you will be stonewalled - and called anti-national.

This phenomenon is not unique to India. Chinese nationalists say all inventions were stolen by Europeans from China. African nationalists insist that Buddha and Jesus were actually African. Everyone approaches the past with an agenda. That's not science. Science begins with doubt. Not faith.

The author writes and lectures on the relevance of mythology in modern times. Reach him at devdutt.pattanaik@mid-day.com