Friends, on and off the pitch: How football groups in Mumbai are helping men build friendships

A group of Indians and expats plays twice a week at St. Andrews, Bandra. Pic/Shadab Khan

They say one doesn't make friends after college easily. In the pandemonium that is working life, where there are only colleagues and acquaintances, it becomes a struggle to maintain old friendships and connect with new people. One answer to this crisis of alienation is football.

Across Mumbai and beyond, informal football groups have developed as enduring networks for men to interact with friends and strangers alike. They outlast the chatter on the WhatsApp groups, the silence brought by relocations and life changes. Given enough time, they blossom into substantial relationships.

Harsh Valke (seated, fourth from left) and friends play at Leno Grounds, Thane

Take Lakshya's group of old childhood friends from Pune. They have been active for 11 years, playing across turfs in Sahakar Nagar, Viman Nagar, and Baner. "We're friends first," he states with certainty, "and football is something that gives us a reason to meet regularly".

The members have been there for each other during some of the hardest moments. "A while ago," Lakshya remembers, "I had broken my hand and needed surgery. They were the ones who took me to the hospital. They kept my spirits high. Even bought me a jersey."

He, in turn, has stayed true to the friendship in different ways. "I have tried helping them any way I can, like networking and even helping them find jobs."

Teammates talk of almost everything under the sun. Every time Harsh Valke's community from Thane meets, the post-match discussion, inevitably, strays from football-centric debates. "We have become family now," Valke confesses, "We share happy and sad moments together. Birthdays, breakups, anniversaries. We are the loudest baraatis and best chachus to any kid in the group."

Lakshya (second from right) and his old friends from Pune catch up on the pitch

Like all good friends, they can't help but keep each other humble. "We let the wife and kids of any member know how bad their father is on the pitch," Valke jokes. It's not just fun and games either. "We invest in each other's businesses as well. We discuss the ups and downs of a business openly, and advise each other on how to get through [rough patches]."

Football being a game of expression, the players don't even need to talk at times. "The body language during the game tells a lot about the person. If he is going through something, we notice it in the performance," says Valke. This sort of rolling reunion, made up of games twice a week, has become a constant, "Luckily we haven't had many tough times, but we have shown solidarity every time there have been funerals of loved ones," he adds.

The group from South Mumbai has been active for a decade

There is a certain beauty in the democracy of the football pitch, that can make friends out of strangers. Arjun Rastogi has been part of a group, largely based in South Mumbai, where people of different ages, professions, and thoughts take part.

One moment you're duelling for a loose ball with a person years older, and in the next you're opening up to them. "It's shocking how many times when you say something out loud, you realise other people have already been through it," Rastogi says, "It could be small things like planning visas for a trip somewhere. It could be a lot more: figuring out [life] plans, or even tax questions."

Outside of football, Rajveer Singh Vyas (extreme left) and his friends from Lonavla meets regularly for breakfast, as well as hikes and treks

These bonds, made on the pitch, have an eloquent advocate in Valke: "The friends I've made while playing football are the ones I can trust blindly, just like how I know when I make a pass, my teammate is going to make a run to receive and score."

A case of shrinking circles

Psychologist Akshada Anikhindi says, "Right from childhood, a lot of boys don't experience friendship as sitting and talking. It's usually doing something together: playing, watching a match, even studying. That carries into adulthood." Case in point, "When you play as a team, there's evidence that exercising together can increase feelings of social bonding. But what you go through together is more significant.

The wins, the losses, a good tackle, a bad one. You encourage each other, you pick things up from each other, and you release a lot of stress in the same space." This dynamic, and the connections it brings, can be loneliness-slayers. "The opposite of loneliness is connection," as Akshada puts it, "The connection usually happens around the game: the chai after, the ride back home, someone texting because you haven't shown up in three weeks. That's when a group slowly becomes a support system."

Taking care of each other

Once the baptism in sweat has taken place on the pitch, you become de facto friends even with people you've just met. And that friendship ensures beyond borders. One group, playing at St Andrews in Bandra West twice a week, boasts both Indians and expats. According to Yan Garin, a Frenchman and one of the founding members, the group has grown from a mere handful to a WhatsApp group of 60 players, all from different nationalities and backgrounds.

"We take care of each other," says Sharan Mehra, who's been part of the group for seven to eight years now and keeps it running behind the scenes. "If someone suddenly doesn't show up, we reach out to understand what's wrong."

The group from St.Andrews has seen friendships branching out into meet-ups outside the pitch. PIC/Shadab Khan

Football, the group's common interest, has led to friendships branching out into concerts, dinners, baby showers and more. "One of our core memories was when we went to see the Al-Hilal game at DY Patil stadium in November 2023, to see Neymar Jr play. We took a bus to the stadium, and it felt like a chill picnic. Sadly Neymar didn't come, but we had a great time!"

The bonds have gotten stronger over time, even as careers have taken many players away. Mehra keeps "in touch with people who've moved back to their countries". "Whenever they're in the city, they come by to play, or just to meet us," he says, "I feel like I can trust them with anything, and I think they feel the same way about me".

Ben Hayes, a businessman from the UK who moved to Mumbai 15 years ago, believes the sessions to be refreshing and rather therapeutic: "I've got work, it's always stressful, and then when I get home it's kids, wife, house. One time I get out, just myself, is the football." The reason he shows up for the games is simple, and one with which most can relate: "It gets the endorphins going," he chuckles, "it helps me de-stress".

Others echo this sentiment. "Apart from the game," Rajveer Singh Vyas, who plays with his group in Lonavala, admits, "we don't have much of a personal life. In fact, we have more of a work life."

Football groups work as an antidote to this problem, starting with games, and expanding one's social life. "We meet up for hikes and treks, or mostly for breakfast. We often discuss how we can polish our football skills, our favourite players and clubs, social issues, cars and bikes. We also share day-to-day updates," says Vyas.

Thanks to football, he believes he has become much more extroverted and has learned to make many more friends.