Punchlines to pick-up lines: Indian stand-up comics open up about navigating the complexities of dating

Comedian Mohammed Hussain and his wife, Mariyam. Pic/Nimesh Dave

Dinner dates end up being post midnight. Quality time on weekends, holidays and special days like Valentine's Day are all cancelled. Dates wonder whether they'll be a punchline in their next act. Some have an artist fetish, and want to pair up because it's "cool".

Dating a stand-up comic is not for the easily offended. Romance often takes a back seat to punchlines. It's rougher when on tour, and tougher if you are in the arranged marriage market. Ask a comic, and they will tell you what a roller-coaster their dating life can be.

Aakash Mehta

Aakash Mehta
Relationship status: Married to his date from an app

"If they're like, ‘Oh my God, I'm a fan'...that's usually a turn-off," says Aakash Mehta.

When Mehta met his now-wife in 2020, she had no clue who he was. As an established comic, it was refreshing for him.

As 2020 was the year of the pandemic lockdowns, Mehta and his partner had ample time with each other. The lack of travel meant no touring - a change from the peripatetic life where, he says, it is natural for the partner to wonder, "Who is this crazy person who will talk to me daily, but he will see me once or twice. He will say, let's meet after the show. And he's here today, he is somewhere else tomorrow."

Mehta began going on tour when the lockdown ended, and the two got married in 2023. "So my wife and I didn't have a dating life per se. I was touring 180-190 days a year; it was just patience, I think that really helped." He also took his wife on tour once, to help her better understand what all it entails and why tours can be rough on personal life.

As dinner dates can be tough to plan with any comic, Mehta and his wife go out on weekend afternoons or mornings. "I love going to movies and not talking, just enjoying the movie. Or I like to go to a place that there is a lot to look at… anything that involves a walk. I really like going to museums."

He wouldn't go to a comedy show on a date, although he says it's a good first date idea because it shows what your date finds funny or has a stance on.

Ankur Tangade

Ankur Tangade
Relationship status: Single, but hopeful

"Because I am a female comic, a man will try to be funnier on the date. I don't know why they think it's a competition," says Ankur Tangade.

Tangade remembers instances where her now-exs were offended by her jokes on stage. "Once a guy told me, ‘Humare ghar me toh Muslim ya Dalit bahu laa nahin sakte' and he said this despite knowing I am Dalit. So obviously I wrote about it. Another was offended because I made a joke out of his mother's comment. I have this joke where I say… ‘Hum ch'tiye hain, hum mutton chai ke cup mein khaate hain' (We are fools, we eat mutton from a tea cup). I wrote this after he told me his mother would not even drink tea at my house because she's a vegetarian," she says.

From dating men who have an ‘artist fetish' to those interested only in gossip about other comics, and even ones who have showcased anti-Dalit sentiments - Tangade has seen it all. But she eventually finds humour in it. When people remark on her queer or Dalit identity, Tangade breaks down. "Even when I am crying, I know this is going to be good material, it's going to be funny and I will make a joke of it someday. But I don't write till I am calm, I need my anger to subside first," she says.

Dating often brings with it a lot of chaos and drama. "It's exhausting to meet someone, it's even difficult to meet a friend. I used to see a lot of male comics go on dates after a show, and I was just working. So I tried it out, but I am focused on work a lot," she says, adding that apart from comedy, she also works in theatre and with NGOs.

The virality of her profession is another challenge for Tangade. "I get 90 per cent hate comments. I have told my parents to not engage even if the comment or message is positive. In the future, if I am dating a non-artist, I will tell them that too."

Mohammed Hussain says he and wife Mariyam go on getaways during the week. ‘It's cheaper too!' Pic/Nimesh Dave

Mohammed Hussain
Relationship status: Married to a family friend

Mohammed Hussain was arranged to marry Mariyam when he was just 19. In their Kutchi Memon family, it's culturally acceptable to marry early but Hussain found it odd. Eventually, the two married when they were aged 24 and 22, in December 2019.

Hussain was not a comic then. At first, he moved to Mumbai for a job, and only later did he work on entering the stand-up comedy circuit, around 2020. "I am from a business family, so my parents were worried about what our finances would look like," says Hussain, and jokes that his wife was secure because she had access to his, his father's, and her father's credit cards whenever she needed.

"My father used to call me daily asking how much I earned that night," he says.

What was Mariyam's reaction to his career jump? "I was already living the dream, so I didn't mind," she gushes, adding, "We knew each other since we were kids, and I always had a bit of a crush on him. So, I was married to my crush!" She assured both families that they would try out a life in Mumbai for two years, and return home if things didn't work out.

The two were dealt a wild card, instead. Mariyam grew on Instagram working as a fashion stylist and creator. Hussain too collected a large following for his comedy online and offline. Now, you will see them create funny content together as well, apart from working on their own content.

Does this impact their relationship or date night in anyway? "Professionally, we are still figuring out how to work on brand deals that require us both to be in a video. Personally, as we are both freelancers, it's easy to plan dates on weekdays. We go on getaways during the week; it's cheaper too!" says Hussain.

We are comics, and we are funny, but that's not all that we are, says Devanshi Shah. Pic/Shadab Khan

Devanshi Shah
Relationship status: Single, on Hinge and in the arranged marriage market too

When Devanshi Shah participated in an arranged marriage group meet-up, she was asked, "You are here for material, right?"

Shah explains that arranged marriage meet-ups usually witness people who are themselves traditional. So, as someone with an unconventional career, this itself works against her. "I don't say I am a comic; if people recognise me, that's different." she says. Shah says that she's either a subject of awe, a means to a free ticket, or a conduit to meet another famous comic. "We are comics, and we are funny, but that's not all that we are," she says.

Parents looking for a ‘bahu' often reject Shah from the get-go. "A working woman is anyway a ‘no' to regressive or traditional families. To top that, I work late," she says. When Shah's parents first began looking for a partner for her, they were hell-bent on her quitting comedy altogether. "I think my parents are now understanding that the pool of people in an arranged marriage set-up are not compatible to me," she says.

Shah presents some upsides to dating a comic. "If both partners don't work the same hours, it's easier to take care of the house and kids. That way one person is always home." As for dates, she says she can always pick shows she wants to perform at and skip the ones where she needs to prioritise other aspects of her life.
How does she navigate what to keep out of her act? "I have never spoken about a current relationship. It's also easy, you can always put a spin on it and say it's an ex. But I do fully support having a healthy conversation about no-go areas with your partner. Tell them the joke beforehand, and keep it open. Else, someone could take it as backstabbing. It's just a better way to avoid resentment."

Raunaq Rajani

Raunaq Rajani
Relationship status: Married to his long-time sweetheart

"My mother-in-law is very curious and cultured. She knows all about GenZ culture, and she had consumed comics like Chris Rock, and had nuanced opinions… I think that really worked in my favour," says Raunaq Rajani.

Starting off with open-mic nights at 16, Rajani's partner saw him through his career from the get-go. The two began dating at 18, and got married at 25. "I studied media and then law. Later, I worked in real estate, then at a PR company. But then I was 21-22, the jobs were not paying me as much as stand-up would," he says.
His partner, too, was used to seeing him on stage and accustomed to the motions of the comic way of life. With college, work, and stand-up the two had little time together when they were dating. "What she started doing was, she used to come with me to all the open nights; every time I had a show, she would come with me. It became a joke… Biswa [Kalyan Rath, another stand-up comedian] would laugh, ‘Raunaq has come with his ghostwriter.' The ride back home would be our ‘together' time," he says.

Rajani also openly jokes about his life, often getting the audience to crack up on something his father-or mother-in-law have said. He admits being worried earlier, but his wife has granted him an ‘implied permission' and pushed him to be himself on stage. "My mother-in-law, if she's part of a set, takes it as flattery."

Anand Rathnam

Anand Rathnam
Relationship status: Single, and off the apps (for now)

"During the earlier stages of my career, I had this need to impress and I was always trying to be funny," says Anand Rathnam, talking about his dating experience.
Rathnam eventually realised that it's rude to interrupt and be funny, and stopped. "Dating apps can be a lot of work, so I am off them right now," he says.

Rathnam's parents though, once arranged a meet-up for marriage. "My parents lied that I work as a civil engineer, though that's a job I left a long time ago. I didn't want to lie, so I told the girl's parents the truth. It got …awkward." As for her reaction? "She didn't know what stand-up comedy was. It was funny to have to explain my profession to someone," he says. Was he rejected only because of his profession? "I hope so," he laughs.

After that, Rathnam's matrimonial profile has not received any hits. "I can understand… No Indian parent is looking at ‘stand-up comic' as a viable profession."
In the world of dating, though, Rathnam has managed to go out with women who have been understanding of his work.

As for dates becoming part of his material, Rathnam says, "I always conceal their identity. In long-term relationships, it's easier because your partner understands that a joke is exaggerated, or they know the joke beforehand."