How India's LGBTQIA+ community is navigating the world of gender-affirming innerwear

Siaan, who identifies as non-binary trans masc, experiences true euphoria on binding their chest. It makes them feel truly like themself, they say. PIC/ASHISH RAJE

I have been on HRT for three years now, so when people look at me, they see a man's face," says Riyam Jain, a trans man whose full beard is an inspiration for the small but tight-knit community. "But when I'd step out of the pool, I could feel people's eyes drift to my lower half, and if there was no bulge, the stares and whispers would begin," he explains.

For most people, going for a swim at the beach or pool is just about the joy of being in water. They don't think twice about whether people will stare at them, pass comments, or assault them. For a trans person, these worries are all-consuming. Just putting on a bathing suit can bring on crippling gender dysphoria, as swimwear tends to accentuate the very body parts that feel alien to them.

Projecting confidence outside gets easier with gender-affirming inner wear. Pic courtesy/Black Eagle Binders

Jain's initial solution was to put on a binder to flatten his chest and then wear a full-length scuba diving suit over it to conceal the binder and his crotch - all attempts at building gender euphoria, body positivity and confidence. "But it was stifling; the binders available in India at the time were only meant to be used during recovery after top surgery. I couldn't breathe or move comfortably in them," the Ludhiana resident recalls, adding that alternatives imported from China too were not safe.

It seemed ridiculous that something as basic as underwear could deny him access to a public space. Jain took matters in his own hands and developed a binder that can comfortably be worn for work, workouts, and swims. "The first time I wore a binder and packer [to simulate the contour of male private parts] to the beach, I felt free. I'd never felt more confident, more like myself," he recalls, "It was one of the happiest days of my life."

Trans men can finally enjoy a comfortable swim in binders from Bengaluru's Black Eagle Binders. Pic courtesy/Black Eagle Binders

Now, he hopes to bring the same euphoria to other LGBTQIA+ folk with his own inner wear brand, Genderse. After three years of researching and adapting the design to Indian bodies and climate, he is set to launch an all-purpose binder that can be worn to work, gym, or the pool in a few months. Apart from this, Jain confides that he's also working on a super-secret product: his own version of gender-euphoric beach wear.

For trans and non-binary folk, gender-affirmative inner wear is their first weapon and most immediate armour in the battle against gender dysphoria. Medical interventions like HRT and surgery require a lot more time and money. And not everyone opts to go under the knife because of the risk; failure rates remain very high in bottom surgeries. Older generations stuffed their clothes with socks to create contours they wanted, or taped and bound up the curves they needed to conceal. The cost? Fractured ribs, ripped skin, infections - there was no end to the health complications. Not to mention the risk of embarassing wardrobe malfunctions.

Binding and packing make the beach a euphoric experience for Riyam Jain

Activist Madhuri Sarode Sharma, who was the first in the country to openly have a "trans wedding" in 2016, recalls her struggles pre-surgery. "We used to stuff our blouses with water balloons. Sometimes they would burst, and the water would splash all over us," she rues .

Abroad, brands have offered simple solutions for years - for trans men, there are chest binders in skin-friendly fabrics that fit like a sports bra; prosthetic packers to simulate the contour of male private parts; and even "stand to pee" devices that can help them urinate in men's washrooms or outdoors without being outed. There are even special harnesses and briefs to hold these packers in place so there are no slip-ups. For trans women, there are silicone breastforms that can be matched to the skin tone, along with tucking underwear or gaffs that smoothen the groin's silhouette. None of these existed in India, and the cost of importing them was prohibitive (going up to Rs 50,000).

For Dombivli-resident Piyush Dalvi, packing has helped him find the inner confidence that completes his life as a trans man. Pic/SATEJ SHINDE

A few years ago, when Kalyan-based trans man Piyush Dalvi first began his transition journey, he'd ordered a packer from the US. It cost Rs 30,000, but for a trans man, it's worth it. It didn't just simulate the male bulge, but also served as an aid for standing and urinating, and could also be used for sexual activity. The whole package, indeed! But his order got flagged by the courier as a sex toy and they refused to deliver it. "I explained that I am trans and they finally agreed to deliver it. But it shouldn't be this hard for anyone."

"In a country like ours, where the gender binary is so rigid on what defines a man and a woman, we are all constantly scrutinised under that gaze," says Aryan Somaiya, a trans man and queer-affirmative psychotherapist from Mulund who recently moved base to Goa. "Gender-affirmative underwear that's safe to use is really important for the LGBTQIA+ community to reconcile who they are on the inside with how they appear to the world on the outside."

Mx Siaan binds and packs to project the truest version of themselves during their stage shows as a drag king. Pic courtesy/Mx Siaan

"Gender dysphoria can make you feel hopeless and angry," he continues, "Sometimes this is expressed in bodily harm, such as cuts on the body parts that they feel a disconnect with. Some turn to alcohol or substance as a coping mechanism." While Indian data is glaringly silent on queer lives, US non-profit The Trevor Project in 2020 found lower rates of suicide attempts among trans and non-binary youth who had access to safe gender-affirming undergarments (14 per cent) than those who didn't (26 per cent).

The keywords are "safe" and "comfortable". Before his surgery, Somaiya briefly used binders, but gave up when it gave him breathing issues and back pain. When we ask him about it, he takes a long pause. "I had buried the memory of this pain very deep," he says quietly. "Nearly a decade later, I still walk with that hunch that comes from the tight old-school binders. They would trap so much heat that I developed skin problems," he recalls, adding, "I have had clients and friends whose ribs cracked from constantly using it. One guy's chest muscles deformed so much, he couldn't get top surgery."

Even crucial public spaces like the local train can be treacherous grounds for trans people, says Rochelle Pinto

In India, this a need that's gone unmet far too long, Somaiya says, because the trans community, particularly trans men, "barely had any visibility until five years ago" and "even today, most are closeted". Over the years, a few in the community have stepped up. Among them is trans man and LGBTQIA+ activist Raj Kanaujiya. For over five years, the Dombivli resident has provided subsidised surgical binders to trans men recovering post top surgery. "Some who are yet to get their surgery use the binders to stave off extreme dysphoria," says Raj, "Some use tape to flatten their chest, but that can rip the skin. These methods may be painful, but they can be life-saving for the community when no other options exist."

On a Thursday morning, when the weather just can't seem to decide whether it wants to be grey and rainy, or blazingly hot and sunny, we meet Siaan at Carter Road. They're recovering from a bad bout of viral, no doubt exacerbated by the mercurial weather. And yet, they greet us with a big smile. Perhaps the reason is a secret they're holding close to their chest - a brand new sports binder under their green crop top.

Aryan Somaiya, Raj Kanaujiya, Madhuri Sarode Sharma and Nish Vasanth

"A flat chest is the dream for me," says Siaan. As a non-binary trans masc person, their gender expression is fluid from day to day, and gender-affirming inner wear lets them adapt. "I can present feminine or masc; I'm constantly in flux between the two. Sometimes I feel the need to bind, other days I embrace my body." When they're on stage, performing as their drag king persona Mx Stallion, they bind and pack without fail. "I put on the packer, and suddenly I'm him. It's empowering to be fully in my masc avatar on stage."

Out in the daylight at the busy Carter Road seafront, a crop top over a binder would have once been unthinkable; the traditional binders that extend to the hipline would have been a dead giveaway. We watch as Siaan does pull-ups and push-ups with enviable ease. The binder they're wearing is discreet, providing compression while still stretching for easy movement - a design from another new brand, Black Eagle Binders (BEB). It was launched earlier this year by trans man and social entrepreneur Nishita Vasanth, who was motivated by his own struggle to find a good binder.

BEB's three most recent launches that are the first of their kind in India: swim binders, prosthetic packers (made with skin-safe soft silicone), and gaffs that are safe for all-day tucking. "My journey was one of fighting dysphoria, but when I spoke to trans people from working class backgrounds, I realised that for them, it was about their very survival and safety," says Vasanth, "When a working class trans man takes the bus, or works at construction site, or is just taking a break from work, they are surrounded by cisgender-heterosexual men who casually touch each other."

Sometimes it's a slap on the back, at other times, it's a quick grab of the crotch. "So many trans men said they were terrified of being outed and assaulted if they didn't have a bulge to help them pass," says Vasanth, "Trans women have the same fear when they can't conceal their bulge well enough. Many tuck their private parts with duct tape, but that is painful and unsafe."

"Keeping the cost affordable was another priority; trans people are among the most marginalised minorities," he tells us. On a call with trans woman Rochelle Pinto, we tell her about the new tucking underwear, and she sounds excited. "I use shapewear on days when I wear a figure-hugging dress, but it's too restrictive to use on a daily basis for the long hours of my job and commute," says the HR executive who commutes daily from Dombivli to Vikhroli by train.

Most days, she wears long tops or a dress over pants or leggings. But there's always the chance of awkward encounters - hands grazing her in a crowded ladies compartment, or harassment from men in the general coach. "To stay safe, I board the disabled coach. People are a little more sensitive there, and there's less crowding," she says.

She hopes the change doesn't end at inner wear. "The laws say we have the same rights as anyone else. But tell me why I can't even buy shoes without feeling like there is no space for me in this society? Why do cute shoes for women only come in tiny sizes?"

Queer Glossary

Trans man: A person who was assigned female at birth but identifies as a man. Trans women are assigned men at birth but identify as women
Gender dysphoria: Distress when one's internal gender identity doesn't match the sex they were assigned at birth
Passing: Being perceived as a gender they identify as
Non-binary: An umbrella term for people whose gender identity does not fit into the male/female gender binary