Dr Love with Mid-Day: He is cold and silent in private...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am ready to end a relationship I have been in for a year because I constantly feel alone. My boyfriend and I meet only when there are social gatherings involving our common friends. He is loving and sweet, then disappears into a silent space when we are alone. It's as if he can't open up in private and can only be supportive when we are with our friends. He knows this is a problem and says he is trying to be more comfortable around me, but he wants time and I don't know if I can keep waiting until he figures this out. If a year is not enough for someone to make me feel special, how much longer should I wait? I love him a lot and know he loves me too, which is why I haven't ended this yet, but I don't know what to do. Am I making a mistake by not being patient?
Thinking about yourself, your expectations, and needs, and using that information to make a decision is not impatience. You are taking a stand because you aren't getting something important from this relationship. If your partner isn't comfortable around you after a year, and you can't wait for a change that may or may not take place, you are simply putting your well-being first and shouldn't second-guess yourself. Do what you think is right and see how you feel.

My boyfriend often makes me feel guilty about how I act, without explaining why. It's as if I don't meet some standard he has set for me, and it makes me feel like I am in an unequal relationship. How do I change this?
If he can't articulate what bothers him and insists on passive aggressive behaviour, tell him that this is a lack of mutual respect that will damage this relationship. If he doesn't take that seriously, ask yourself if you are willing to put up with this and at what point you will start to question your own worth here.

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