Dr Love with Mid-Day: He’s chatting with ‘another’ woman!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I recently created an online profile pretending to be another woman and began chatting with my boyfriend. I was surprised that he accepted my request and has been regularly responding to my questions. He doesn't give out any personal information, but I have been shocked at how easily he accepted the idea of chatting with a stranger just because I happened to be a woman. Should I confront him about this or wait to see if he says or does something that makes me suspicious? I have never had any reason to doubt him, but this has been completely out of character for him, and I don't know how to react or what to do. I'm worried because we have been together for two years now and this makes me feel as if I don't know him as well as I thought I did. What should I do?
You should start by asking yourself why you chose to initiate this exercise in the first place. If you felt as if you were in a good place when it came to your relationship, was there a desire to test it in some way? Did you feel as if you wanted to find out whether or not your boyfriend would break your trust? It's important to be honest about these questions because understanding your intent will allow you to figure out what you want to do if he says or does something you aren't comfortable with. As for his conversations with the person you are impersonating, you should think about his point of view too, and how he may react to the admission that this has been you all along. Will it prompt him to question this relationship too, and ask himself if you don't trust him enough? These are slippery slopes because you are using deception to try and engineer a response. If you have questions, you should ask them directly. If you don't trust him, talk about it. Without that level of honesty, your relationship is in trouble.

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