Dr Love with Mid-Day: Husband says he doesn’t love me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been married for almost 15 years, and my husband recently told me that he no longer loves me. It came out of the blue and I was so shocked that I couldn't respond for a while. I am heartbroken, of course, but I can't figure out what went wrong and how this happened. There were no signs and I thought we were a great couple. We have no children because that was a mutual decision, and I don't think there's anyone else in his life, which is why I am struggling to make sense of this. I have asked him to tell me more about what he's feeling and why he thinks this, but he says there's nothing to explain and has asked me to consider a divorce. He says that if I don't want one, he is okay with us separating and living separate lives. Is there anything I can do to change his mind and save my marriage?
There could be all kinds of reasons for why your husband feels this way, but nothing can be done without a wish to try and save your marriage. People fall out of love all the time, and this can be fixed with counselling, as well as with the intervention of family or experts, but only if you are both willing to do what is necessary. If he isn't going to consider it, and can't articulate why he feels this way, it's possible that he has simply given up on this and has already begun living a separate life. Ask him to consider taking a holiday, to see if that may change his perspective. A trial separation may also be a good idea, but it is risky because it could reinforce the feeling of alienation he is already attesting to. The bottom line is this marriage can be saved only if your husband wants it to, because it takes two people to make any relationship strong enough to deal with the challenges that tend to crop up.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com