Dr Love with Mid-Day: I miss her and want her back....

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I don't know if my ex-girlfriend wants to be with me again or not. We have been chatting about this for a month or so, but she doesn't even want to meet me for dinner. She says she's thinking about it, but she wants me to be patient for a while. I am happy to wait if I can see any point to this, but don't want to put my life on hold just because she can't make up her mind. We were together for two years and I miss her, but I am also okay with not having her in my life if she can't commit to this seriously. Am I making a mistake or being too hasty? Should I wait and see if we can make this work a second time before giving up permanently?
If you don't mind not having someone in your life, this attempt at a relationship has already failed. One of the first rules for wanting to be with someone is the recognition that this person is valued and brings something of importance to your life. Without that fairly simple premise, what you have is either opportunistic or performative. If you can't wait for her, tell her this and move on. If you want to give it a chance, do it only if you are willing to put in the work. If that means being patient and respecting her request for time, you should be prepared to offer her that.

How can I win someone over and make her see that we have a chance at being in a successful relationship? We have been on three dates, but she isn't sure I am someone she should take seriously.
Speak to her about why you think this relationship has a chance and give her a chance to talk about her expectations. Try seeing this from her perspective and address those concerns in specific terms. If she isn't convinced, be prepared to accept her argument gracefully because that is also a sign of maturity.

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