Dr Love with Mid-Day: Is she expecting a grand birthday gift?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I are going to celebrate our first anniversary, and I am worried because I think she is expecting me to do something grand. I want to take her out to dinner and buy her a gift, but if it's not what she expects, I feel as if she may say this relationship isn't working out. It's not as if she's a shallow person, but she feels the need for demonstrative stuff a lot more than I do, which is why I have these doubts about whether I will be able to make her happy. Should I ask her if she wants something specific or just hope for the best? Also, is this something I should be worried about?
There's nothing wrong with grand gestures, but you should start to worry when they mean more than the feelings being shared in your relationship. You can plan this anniversary and give her a great gift, but if it's what defines whether she stays with you or not, this isn't a secure bond, and you should be able to talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask her questions about why these things matter to her, because it may help you understand where she's coming from. At the same time, make sure you explain why this frightens you because a relationship that isn't built on the basic premise that two people love each other and want to be together won't last long.

I am a 28-year-old woman and am thinking about eloping with my partner but my parents will feel betrayed if this happens. There are strong economic reasons for our decision and not doing this will cause us a lot of harm. What should we do?
These are your parents and you should tell them how you feel and explain what the implications of any financial decision are. Eloping is always an option, but it isn't the only one because you can all arrive at a compromise that works if you put your minds to it.

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