Dr Love with Mid-Day: Not sure if I should stay married...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My husband and I have been married for around five years, and it is obvious to us that we have serious issues in this marriage. We have little in common, the love we once had has faded, and we are together only because neither of us has the strength to admit this isn't working. I think it's fear of being alone and not knowing what to do next that will keep us trapped in this situation and it frightens me. I will turn 40 soon and don't know what my life will be like in ten years because the longer I accept this, the harder it will become. Should I talk to him about trying to save this marriage or ask for a divorce?
You have to ask yourself why you want to save a marriage that you believe is not real. Saving it makes sense only if it's for the right reasons, and doing this because you have no choice is not a right reason. Yes, there is fear attached to the end of any relationship, and the idea of not knowing what life will be like can be terrifying, but it is important to understand that living without love is arguably more frightening because you will lose the ability to want something real for yourself. It's possible to live a lie for an extended period of time, and many people do, but there's always a cost to be extracted and you alone can figure out what that is. Talk to your husband and be honest because at this point, you have little to lose. At the very least, his response or the conversation may spur one of you into doing something to change this situation.

How do I get the attention of someone who always ignores me?
If this is someone who is making it clear that they don't want to notice you, what do you hope to accomplish by changing that? If you have made this clear and nothing has changed, try and accept it.

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