Dr Love with Mid-Day: Why is dating such a problem!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been struggling to date someone for more than a few months and the girls I meet always say they're not willing to compromise on a long-term relationship. I don't know how to react to this because I always assumed the idea of stability was attractive. I am kind, respectful, ready to accommodate anything they want, and more than willing to put my own wishes aside if it means making them comfortable with the idea of being with me. What am I doing wrong?
This isn't about you doing anything wrong as much as it is about not meeting someone who has the same expectations. It's okay for people you meet to not want something long-term. It's also naïve to assume it's what everyone wants based on the experiences you alone have had, because there are other people in long-term relationships that are and continue to be successful. If you have questions about whether you're not doing enough, reach out to people you have dated and ask them for their honest opinions. At the same time, keep meeting new people and make it clear early on that you are dating to find stability. Clarity at an early stage will also prevent you from being surprised a few months down the line.

My girlfriend dumped me a few months ago and began dating someone else. It didn't work out between them, and she has been begging me to take her back. I don't know what to do because I am still in love with her, but I am also afraid to take the risk of being hurt again.
Given that you know what the risks are, anything you decide must be done with your eyes open and with the awareness that this can definitely happen again. Ask her why she thinks this can work a second time and if she doesn't have a response based on a solid explanation, it may show that she hasn't given this serious thought. That will definitely be a red flag to consider.

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