I feel I’m the only one who cares...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I constantly feel as if I am the only one doing all the work to make my family seem content and happy. This has been going on for almost six or seven years. My husband doesn't care if we go out together, if we plan holidays every year, or if we spend quality time on weekends. My two sons aren't interested because they are always happier spending time with their friends rather than their parents. I feel as if I am just someone trying to make this seem like a happy home when no one here even cares if it is or isn't. I don't know if this is normal for most people, or if I should just adjust my expectations but it is having an adverse impact on my mental health, and I am afraid that I may just stop doing all this after a point. How do I manage with these feelings?
You are not being unreasonable, nor should you temper your expectations yet. What you can do, however, is try and understand your family's expectations. Have you considered the possibility that they may be perfectly happy with the way things are, and that your idea of a happy home may be different from theirs? Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings, what you want from him, what he thinks makes for a happy married life? These are conversations that evolve as we grow older, and as we sink into individual roles within any familial unit. Speak to your husband and children, consider speaking to a professional if you feel that this is making you feel depressed, and acknowledge that you cannot control everything. Sometimes, letting go is the only way to move forward, but I urge you to have more conversations with your family before you internalise what they're saying. Your feelings are valid, but so are theirs, and you can all work together to arrive at a situation that makes sense for you all. It may take time, but it isn't impossible.

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