She makes me pay on all our dates!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I don't know if I am making too big a deal about this, but my girlfriend always makes me pay on a date despite earning much more than I do. I was happy to do this at the start of our relationship because I know it was the chivalrous thing to do, but we have now been together for over a year, and things are pretty serious between us. If she can't acknowledge the discrepancy in our financial situation, I worry that things will continue this way if we commit to a long-term relationship. If that happens and I am always going to be put into the position of provider, this doesn't seem like a healthy place to be in. Am I being unnecessarily resentful? What do I tell her?
If you are feeling resentful, it is a sign that you aren't comfortable with this and that you should have an honest conversation about it. Money matters can derail the most stable relationships, and you can't commit to anything serious by pretending that this isn't bothering you. Being able to have difficult conversations is one of the first things that define what a healthy relationship can evolve into. Tell your girlfriend why this is a problem, ask her direct questions about the future and your role, as well as what she expects from you financially or otherwise. Don't assume things will change without dialogue, because your resentment will only start to overwhelm everything that is positive.

My boyfriend is sometimes verbally abusive, and my parents know about this. They want me to end it, but I love him and know that he can't help himself. Am I making a mistake by staying with him?
Your parents have your well-being at heart, but you should take time to try and gauge what this relationship means to you, and what you are getting out of it. Abuse is a serious issue and can cause significant damage in any form. Ask yourself some difficult questions before making any decision.

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