She says she does not feel secure...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

This is a question related to my brother, who has been in an on-again off-again relationship with the same girl for over four years. Our family knows her, and we used to like her a lot, and still do, but she can't seem to decide if she wants to be with my brother or not. We want them to be happy, but she keeps saying that she's not sure about an engagement because she doesn't get a sense of security from my brother. I have asked him what she means by this, but he doesn't have a clue. My parents are getting old, and they have wanted an engagement for a long time, so this is frustrating for all of us. What should my brother do to change how she sees him, so that she gets a sense of security and they can move forward?
This is really something only your brother and his girlfriend can fix because, if you say he has no clue, it's obvious that they aren't talking about what the problem really is. It isn't easy to clearly define what someone means when they look for security in a relationship because it is such an intangible thing. I suggest you and your parents ask them to take some time off and have a serious conversation about what they want for themselves, irrespective of what your family would like. If they want a future together, they will have to start listening to each other soon. There is no shortcut.

My girlfriend and I have been arguing about something silly for a while, which has now blown up into this big argument whenever we have a disagreement. It is about our political choices, and I don't know why politics should matter. Shouldn't we keep politics out of our personal lives? Is she being difficult?
To exist in society is to engage with politics because it affects all our lives. If this matters to your girlfriend, it should matter to you too.

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