Book, line and bestseller

Updated: May 07, 2020, 07:09 IST | Clayton Murzello | Mumbai

A spoof on sporting personalities writing books during the Coronavirus-caused lockdown and the titles they come up with

A representative image of tennis great Andre Agassi at a signing session of his book, Open in Berlin, Germany on December 13, 2009. Pic/Getty Images
A representative image of tennis great Andre Agassi at a signing session of his book, Open in Berlin, Germany on December 13, 2009. Pic/Getty Images

Clayton MurzelloThe COVID-19 pandemic has dealt sports its hardest blow since the Second World War. One way to counter a helpless situation is to look at the lighter side. I have indulged in some fantasy and imagined the most famous of sporting personalities spending their free time at home writing books, for which I suggest titles.

Here goes:

Rohit Sharma, who is giving every indication of wanting nothing to come in the way of his fitness regime: SHAPE OF ME

Mahendra Singh Dhoni, whose international career seems all but over: QUIETLY FADES THE DON

Ex-chief selector MSK Prasad, who doesn't have a negative word for anybody: POSITIVELY CORRECT

David Warner and wife Candice, who continue to be a hit on social media: WARNER BE STARS

Sunil Gavaskar, who never tires from pointing out the wrongs in international cricket: YOU MISS, I HIT

Hardik Pandya, who didn't see too much of a problem playing the IPL in front of empty stands since that happens often in Ranji Trophy cricket: THE LOGICAL INDIAN

Former IPL commissioner Lalit Modi, who has kept a low profile on Twitter at a time when he could throw in his suggestions on how to conduct the IPL: NOTHING KNEW TO ADD

Ravi Shastri, who rekindled some fine memories of his Audi car reward in India's 1985 World Championship of Cricket triumph: DRIVING THEM CRAZY

Gautam Gambhir, who continues to be fearless in his comments: SEE THE BALL, HIT THE BALL

India skipper Virat Kohli, who kept urging citizens to stay indoors to combat the virus: INDOOR CRICKET

Batsman Usman Khawaja, who missed out on a Cricket Australia contract: I'LL BE BACK

Michael Clarke, Australia's 2015 World Cup-winning captain, who said the Australians sucked up to Virat Kohli in their 2018-19 Test series defeat to save their IPL contracts: SUCKER PUNCH

Chris Gayle, who attacked Jamaica Tallawahs's assistant coach Ramnaresh Sarwan by calling him "worse than the Coronavirus": I GO TO EXTREMES

Cricket Australia chief executive Kevin Roberts, who is under intense pressure to get some cricket going: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS INDIA

Ex-Pakistan pace demon Shoaib Akhtar, who vows to make fast bowlers more aggressive and talkative if he gets the chance to be India's bowling coach: FAST AND SPURIOUS

Ashok Malhotra, the head of the Indian Cricketers' Association, who must have been surprised by a few barbs from his former captain Sunil Gavaskar: SUNNY DAZE

Kapil Dev, who tickled the world with his unprecedented bald look: CLEAN BALD

Kuldeep Yadav, the wrist spinner, who recently revealed that he yearned to be a left-arm quick like Wasim Akram: WAZ NEARLY THERE

Sachin Tendulkar, who has indulged in some cooking during the COVID-19-caused lockdown: MASTER CHEF

Sourav Ganguly, who didn't beat around the bush and insisted there will be no cricket in India in the near future and sport cannot be played when there is a risk to human life: BEING HUMAN

Tennis star Novak Djokovic, who came out and said he didn't want a vaccination to be able to travel: I HATE PRICKS

World No. 3 tennis player Dominic Thiem, who expressed his inability to donate funds for lesser-ranked players during the COVID-19 pandemic: MY NAME'S NOT CASH

Maria Sharapova, who breached lockdown rules by setting out with boyfriend Alexander Gilkes to meet friends in Manhattan. The lovers were spotted alongside another couple on a balcony last month: DOUBLE FAULT

Tennis icon Andre Agassi, whose 50th birthday on April 29 was not well-publicised by the media: THEY MISSED THE POINT

Tennis legend Rod Laver, who decided to use the lockdown to clean his humongous collection of trophies: SPARKLING OLD WINE

Diego Maradona, who hoped for divine intervention to rid the world of COVID-19: NOT IN MY HANDS

Liverpool's former defender Fabio Aurelio, who felt Liverpool should be declared EPL winners thanks to them being way ahead in the race with 82 points (Manchester City second with 57): WE'RE THE CHAMPIONS

Mercedes's Formula One ace Lewis Hamilton, who has to deal with talk of him moving to Ferrari: WHERE THERE'S A WHEEL, THERE'S A DEAL

mid-day's group sports editor Clayton Murzello is a purist with an open stance. He tweets @ClaytonMurzello Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual's and don't represent those of the paper

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