Relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani prepares you for love and other drugs, with this dating guide for millennials
Shahzeen Shivdasani
Thirtys look good on women, especially the single ones. When I say this, I don't mean to plug feminist values—not that I would mind it either—but experiencing this decade now, as a single woman, I find it to be one of great learning. My 20s were filled with rosy ideas of love. There was the Prince Charming, perfect love story, and chocolates, of course, a lot of it. But the more men this writer came across, the more we were reminded that we were not in a '90s Bollywood movie. Hitting 30 was the turning point. Heartbreak, ghosting and whatnot, makes you self-aware of choices. It's the story of many women. It's not that we resist romance, but everything is embraced with a pinch of salt. We stop looking for signs from the Universe, and instead, start watching out for warning bells at every bend.
These lessons find a revision of sorts in relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani's new book Love, Lust and Lemons (Notionpress.com). The book examines situations faced by women, both young and old, navigating the dating scene, and hopes to serve as a go-to guide in their journey of finding love. Shivdasani started writing about relationships in college, sharing her work with a "select group of close girlfriends who were all on the same path as me—desperately trying to find love at a time in our lives where what we needed the most was to desperately find ourselves."
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She realised that more than often, while dating, women would give their power away, settle, and second-guess themselves. It did nothing, but affect their self-esteem. And that's why this book.
Shivdasani takes on 52 issues—Types of Men You Shouldn't Date, The Right Time to Move On, Being Friends With Your Ex and the most exhausting of them all, Breaking Up. Her writing is conversational and effortless, and not hard to connect with. To put it simply, it reminded us of the Thought Catalog posts we've often gone back to on a bad day. Sometimes the lessons are obvious, but having someone tell us so, is what makes the difference.
The question is whether we need another book on dating. We've made an expert out of everyone who talks about love, even Rumi, who probably never meant to be one. The answer to that is not an easy one. Dating is hard, but coming out of it unscathed is harder. Anything that makes the complex look easy, is always welcome.
And because the dating world is an evolving one, it's good to know when you are falling into a trap. This writer learnt from the book about zombieing. It refers to the ghost of a lover who disappeared, only to reappear—"because they have the power to rise from the dead"—with a 'Hey! Wassup?' message on WhatsApp. Don't ever fall for that. Period.
On: Amazon.in
Price: Rs 299
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