How do I help my depressive husband?

Updated: May 22, 2020, 04:25 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He starts to worry about the mortgage, our expenses, how we will raise enough money for a holiday, and these things make him so sad that he barely speaks

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI am a 35-year old woman and have been married for five years. My husband is a great guy but can't handle weekends because being at home makes him depressed. He starts to worry about the mortgage, our expenses, how we will raise enough money for a holiday, and these things make him so sad that he barely speaks. He is fine on weekdays because the office distracts him, but I have started to dread weekends because of the change that comes over him. How do I get him to feel loved and supported?

This sounds like something you aren't equipped to handle, because depression isn't always a question of hoping someone will cheer up. There may be other issues that are bothering him and speaking to a professional may be the more sensible approach. What you can do is talk to him about how his weekends are beginning to affect yours, and how this can damage your relationship. He will obviously want to do whatever it takes to fix this, and your support may simply mean being there and convincing him to get help from a professional. It may take a while, but it can't be put off forever.

My problem is that I am too forgiving. I took my boyfriend back after he ended our relationship because he promised to do better. He has done nothing, and I know he will hurt me again because he thinks only about himself. I still can't bring myself to end this though, because I am a coward and I think he knows this. I am sad all the time because of it and want to move on but can't. Please help me.

You seem self-aware enough to recognise that what you are doing can't help this relationship. If you believe he will hurt you again, you are betraying yourself because you are allowing him to be disrespectful and take you for granted. Put yourself and your feelings first, and take a decision based on what is good for you.

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