'I can't believe that I'm not her first love'

Nov 12, 2018, 07:50 IST | Dr Love

We then started sharing a lot more and one day she told me that three months before my proposal arrived, she had ended a relationship with someone

'I can't believe that I'm not her first love'
Dr Love

Dr LoveMy parents fixed my marriage over a year ago with a girl I hadn't met before. We belong to conservative families but met and agreed to marry. We didn't chat much for a few months, until we found each other online. We then started sharing a lot more and one day she told me that three months before my proposal arrived, she had ended a relationship with someone. I was shocked because I didn't expect this. Since that day, I don't know if she truly loves me or not. We have started to fight a lot because I feel insecure and possessive. This makes me depressed, which affects my health. I can't even eat properly. She is trying her best to make things okay, but I can't seem to get over it. She is my first love, but I don't think either of us can be happy like this. I can't leave her either. What should I do? It feels as if I am in a tug of war with myself.
— Jack D
Everyone has a past, and your problem appears to be an inability to accept your fiancée's past. You weren't in the picture at the time, so this simply sounds as if you can't come to terms with the fact that she had a relationship with someone before you. Coming from a conservative family and agreeing to an arranged marriage aren't pre-conditions for people not being able to have a life. Your fiancée was honest enough to talk about her past and is doing her best to make you focus on the present, as well as your future together. You alone can put this behind you if you want what's best for both of you. To obsess over something that happened when you weren't around, and over which neither of you have any control anymore, is to ignore the fact that she wants to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you. You have to weigh the pros and cons.

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