So, Lobo Lobo came to my home, sporting an Abhinandan mutton-chops-style mooch
Illustration/Uday Mohite
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So, Lobo Lobo came to my home, sporting an Abhinandan mutton-chops-style mooch.
For those of you, dear readers, who don't know what an Abhinandan mutton-chops-style mooch is, it is a kind of moustache — but it is no ordinary moustache. This one launches off in the upper lip region, but then Rapunzel-like, winds its way down your face and neck, all the way down to your waist.
It then takes two forms based on vintage — for Maharajas of yore, it was allowed to grow wild, left in the wilderness of their hirsuteness, growing to inordinate lengths, and no one was allowed to criticise its untidiness, for fear of being beheaded. Often it was braided, or curled up in a bun, depending on the Maharaja's mood: wining-dining or warrior avatar.
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Or then, cut to the present, like most retrosexuals, it got styled, and became a fashion statement and made it to the covers of men's magazines. For a while it disappeared, replaced by the Virat Kohli beard, till Abhinandan Varthaman brought it once again into fashion.
But, back to Lobo Lobo, who came home, sporting one, but looking more like a Mexican baddie from a Clint Eastwood western.
"So Dikuna, wot you tink men?
I have spent some time growing dis style statement. Looks hep na, say me?"
Lobo Lobo, I'll be honest, did not look hep at all.
"Lobo Lobo, why are you growing your moustache? Now that you are no longer in the employ of a cable TV company, what are your plans?" I enquired suspiciously.
Lobo Lobo dropped a bombshell.
"I wish to become a model-cum-actor, Mr Rahul, and promote my own moustache. It will be called Moustachio Lobo."
"But why, Lobo Lobo, why?"
"Arre men, if a pilot whose main job is to fly de blinking jets and bomb de enemy, if he can have a moochi dat everyone is copying, den why not me, men? Me, Thelonious Lobo. I am considered a stylish dude in Virar men, you know dat, na?
Abhinandan is nothing compared to me."
"No, I did not know that, Mr Lobo."
"Yes men, every year in de Virar Fashion Week, I am de much in-demand model. All de leading designers of Virar want me to show off dere clodes. You've heard of dem: Vincent D'Lima DeQuadros, Cinderella Coutinho and Badshah Braganza?"
"Uh no, Lobo Lobo, I haven't heard of these fashion designers. They must be great."
"Yeah now I've been told Tarun wants me, too. Finally, Netflix is planning a TV series, based on a comedy of Shakespeare, where in each episode, there is a problem and I solve the mystery."
"Oh wow, Lobo Lobo. You'll be in a web series. That's impressive. What is it called, this Netflix series?" I asked.
"Mooch Ado About Nothing," Lobo Lobo concluded.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at
rahuldacunha62@gmail.com
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