My friend doesn't respect my choices

Updated: Sep 19, 2019, 09:38 IST | DR Love

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Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am a 23-year old girl and have been friends with a guy two years older than I, for over two years. We get along very well and are quite close. We also enjoy each other's company a lot. The thing I have come to realise, however, is that he is quite emotionally abusive towards me. He doesn't speak when he doesn't want to, ignores my feelings if we are discussing something that matters to him, and always berates me for my choices if I happen to do something he doesn't like. I know this isn't healthy, but he doesn't even recognise that he is doing it. What should I do?
One of the nicest things about getting older is how it teaches us to respect ourselves more and understand when someone isn't being as respectful to us as they ought to. If you know this friend of yours is being emotionally abusive, and he refuses to acknowledge it or do something to change, it should also be obvious that he doesn't think of this friendship the way you do. If I were you, I would ask him to start doing something or risk losing you as a friend.

I have been married for two years to a guy who loves me a lot but doesn't think about me when he's not at home. He takes it for granted that I will be waiting for him whenever he gets back and will put aside everything I am doing to cater to his wishes. I want him to stop doing this. Should I ask him to seek counselling?
This sense of entitlement comes quite naturally to a significant number of men in our country, and you're right about wanting him to stop. He may not identify this as entitlement though, so educating him about the need for mutual respect may be a first step. Counselling always helps, of course, but try telling him how you feel and get a sense of how he views your position in this marriage.

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