'Want to change my selfish boyfriend...'

Updated: May 19, 2020, 07:28 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He is very loving when friends of ours are around but, in private, he treats me like his ex-girlfriends, whom he always talks of casually as if they have never meant anything to him.

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend doesn't respect me as much as I would like him to. He is very loving when friends of ours are around but, in private, he treats me like his ex-girlfriends, whom he always talks of casually as if they have never meant anything to him. I think his whole attitude towards relationships is one of selfishness, where only his temporary pleasure matters. I know this won't be a long-term thing, because I am not stupid, but I want to try and change him in some way because it will only be good for him. How do I do this?
If you have no hope in this relationship working out, maybe you should ask yourself why you are in it and what it is doing for your self-esteem. You can try and change him, of course, but chances are you won't succeed where his ex-girlfriends have failed. Maybe the way to get him to learn a lesson is to explain why this isn't working out, rather than trying to get him to do something he clearly isn't interested in doing. This person doesn't respect you, which is what you should think about before making any decision.

I have serious trust issues with my boyfriend because of the number of times I have caught him lying. He doesn't even bother hiding the fact that he doesn't mind being caught, because he knows I will always forgive him. I do allow him to get away with it, and know that is my fault, but I am also afraid of how this relationship will turn out if I don't change this habit. What do you suggest?
Without trust, this relationship will fail. The sooner you tell him why you are struggling with this, the sooner he can try and make changes that may work. If he takes you for granted, you can be sure this will not get any better in time, so he needs to change that perception of who you are and how you both fit into this.

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