Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012
Dear Diana,
I am a 27-year-old guy. I'm engaged to be married soon. I love my fianc ufffde very much and am happy with our relationship.
To tell you the truth, there is nothing wrong about her or between us. But of late, I've started feeling a strong connection with another girl.
I think about her all the time. We chat on the Internet often, and I even email her a lot. I am not sure how to deal with my feelings for her.
u00a0
I haven't told her that I am engaged. What should I do? Please help me sort out my feelings.
Puneet
Dear Puneet,
I think yours is the classic case of getting cold feet just before getting married. Most guys end up doing silly things and ruin their life. You are scared of spending the rest of your life with one woman, and want to play the field for some more time.
u00a0
That's what this fascination with the new woman is all about. The grass isn't always greener, and you need to seriously look at what you could be throwing away if you go for this other woman.
You say there is nothing wrong with your relationship with your fianc ufffde, and you also love her. So why jeopardise that for some silly pre-wedding jitters? Also, I don't think you're being fair to the other woman by concealing the truth from her.
Be honest and tell her. Also, have a chat with your fianc ufffde. It might be cold feet or you just might not be ready for marriage, period. Tell her how you feel. Ask her what she feels. And if you are both not ready maybe you can postpone the date to one that is comfortable to both of you. Good luck.
I hate everything
Dear Diana,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I'm too emotional for my own good. I get hurtu00a0 easily. There are days when I'm fine and other days, I want to kill myself.
On days when I am feeling low, any little thing gets me down. I'm not eating properly, I feel tired all the time. I hate everything in my life, including myself.
Tia
Dear Tia,
Has something changed in your life to make you this way? Maybe things are not as you want them to be. But you have to tell yourself that nobody's life is perfect.
u00a0
You have to say 'I don't like this and I will do something about it'. Don't focus on the negativity, focus on your resolve to change what is wrong. You are possibly suffering from depression.
u00a0
Get to the bottom of that and then you can start working on turning things around.
I think I may have destroyed her marriage
Dear Diana,
I have messed up a girl's married life. I have been very good friends with her for the last one year. We used to talk to each other many times a day. Even when her husband warned me to stay away from her, both she and I took it casually. We continued our friendship.
After a while, the husband requested I stay away or else he would apply for divorce. Soon I learnt that the woman and her husband were having fights. And now that they have applied for divorce, I feel guilty. In spite of me trying to dissuade her, she is going in for divorce. Is there any way I can stop the divorce proceedings?
Karan
Dear Karan,
The thing about being friends with someone from the opposite sex especially when that person is married is to set boundaries. If you talk to that person many times a day, it's not going to go down well with the spouse. You have to respect their time together, and limit your conversation to once a day, or when strictly necessary.
u00a0
Especially when you know that her husband was being troubled by your closeness to his wife. Anyway, I don't think you should feel guilty. It's really her problem.
The onus of saving her marriage was not on you but on her. And you should butt out of what is going on between them, especially because you ignored her husband's warning. Staying away from her might help.
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