She's stuck with me even though we've never had sex

She's stuck with me even though we've never had sex

Dear Diana,
Since childhood, I've been attracted to guys only. I'm a confirmed homosexual. I did have foreplay with some girls in my school days, though. Now, I'm married to a girl (my parents' choice). And though my wife isn't beautiful, she is a very good woman. We haven't had sex for the three years since being married but she still needs me. But I don't want to be with her and feel slightly guilty and scared when she touches me or tries to hug me. I pretend that I am unwell. What should I do? I am very confused and have thought of ending my life quite often, but I love my family more than my life. Now everyone knows that we do not have sex but no one is suggesting we divorce each other for a better life. I don't mind her marrying someone else and living happily ever after but she doesn't want to do that since her family is very orthodox and the only option they have given her is to die with me or live with me. Please help...

Sreenivas

Dear Sreenivas,
I am sure she has already guessed the obvious. One, that you have a different sexual orientation. Or two, that you are not at all interested in sex. Or both. She's trying to make the best of a bad situation, given the circumstances. But cannot do it because she's carrying the burden of your lie. You haven't come out to your family, it seems. or have let their decisions rule your life. Understandably you feel stifled in this marriage and feel the best way would be getting out of it. But to do it and ensure she has a second chance at life, you have to let everyone you know, know that you are gay. That will give you some sort of freedom -- from hiding, from lies, from the marriage. It's a big step for you, I can understand and a very difficult one at that. But it would be the right thing to do. Being married to each other any more won't help either of you.

Shaadi? More time, please

Dear Diana,
We have been in a love for eight months and have decided to get married. For the last month or so, his behaviour has changed. Whenever I ask him to get married, he asks for more time. We fight so much. Please tell me what to do because I love him a lot. He always says I don't believe in saying, I believe in doing. What does he mean?u00a0
u00a0
Alisha

Dear Alisha,
Is it really a mutual decision between the two of you? Has he met someone else? Talk it out with him and find out why he's being this way. A tete-a-tete will only help clear the air. And what have you to lose? And that last statement is a bit of a bother: Is he saying he isn't committing? Does he mean that he won't do it so he won't say it?