I just don't feel anything. I am numb

Karambir Kang was helping others even as his family was stuck on the sixth floor of the Taj. He did not let personal tragedy overshadow his sense of duty

Soon after Karambir Kang led his 542-strong team to a standing ovation at the re-opening of the Taj Mahal Palace & Tower in Mumbai on December 21, he went back home to Mohali, Punjab. Waiting to provide him emotional succour were a clutch of people: his parents, an old-time college friend and family from across the world.

But across the nation, people rallied behind him, more so in Mumbai and Mohali, where he returned right after the siege was over. This is where People first met him on December 6, nine days after the tragedy.

The Kang farmhouse stood amidst a series of open plots, a clean rectangular building with a garden. A group of 20 to 25 people were seated on the lawn, their grimness a sharp contrast to the bright winter sun. They were in a contemplative mood, having come together to offer comfort to the Kang family in this difficult time.

The terrorist attacks on Mumbai took the lives of Karambir's wife Niti (38), and their sons, Uday Singh (12) and Samar Veer (5). Karambir, general manager of the Taj, and his family had been living in a sixth floor suite of the heritage wing of the hotel, as minor renovations were being made to the apartment they were to move into on January 1, 2009.

On November 26 at approximately 9.45 pm, when the terrorists entered the hotel, Karambir was attending the 'Ernst & Young Entrepreneur Of The Year Award 2008' at the Taj Lands End in Bandra, about an hour away from the Colaba hotel.

Though he rushed back, he could not get to his family, trapped in the sixth floor suite, as the terrorists had positioned themselves in the heritage wing. Over the next 59 hours, Kang and his staff helped evacuate guests from the hotel and saved approximately 700 lives. His own would be changed forever. Niti, Uday and Samar, who could not be rescued, died of asphyxiation.

Following the funerals in Mumbai, Karambir, 40, returned to his parents' Kandala farmhouse. His mother Kamaljit Singh ushered visitors into the house. Dabbing her eyes, red and swollen, with the edge of her dupatta, she attempted to keep things as casual as possible. "Come in beta, arrey inko pani, chai pilao," she said. On the large dining table in the corner of the living room, lunch was served, typical north Indian fare of rajma, aloo gobhi, baigan and salad from the garden. Hot phulkas were being made, but there were few takers for the food.

Two little children ran into the bedroom, calling out to Karambir. He emerged, a few minutes later with his father, retired Major General Jagtar Singh. Dressed in a golf T-shirt and trousers, he appeared composed, but made no eye contact. Relatives, who had driven down from Chandigarh and flown in from the US and Canada, broke down on meeting him, but Karambir did not shed a tear.

"I was with the general manager at Taj Lands End when I heard about the shooting," he said, anticipating the turn the conversation would take. "I rushed back. There was chaos in the lobby with guests in panic. The staff on duty acted with great presence of mind and did everything they could to keep the situation under control. The managers on duty locked the banquet room doors, asked guests to lie down on the floor, switched off the lights and the staff went about helping everyone, asking them not to panic. They were amazing. The real heroes are the staff at the Taju00a0they showed great courage and saved many, many lives. They stood at the posts till the very end."

At this point, Kang lowered his voice and his sentences, which were rushed, became almost disjointed. "I knew my family was in their rooms. We thought they would be safe there, but the terrorists took over the sixth floor. My wife was speaking to me on the phone. I spoke with my wife, but not my children. I kept telling her that she would be safe, but I had to attend to all the guests in the hotel so I could not keep talking to her.

"At one point, when we realised that my family was trapped in their suite, I tried to go to the sixth floor with the police, but we couldn't get there, as they were shooting and lobbing grenades. I called my mother to tell her, 'I can't save them.'u00a0 She told me, 'Then go and save the others. You are a brave boy.'u00a0 I just did what she told me. I could not think beyond."

His eyes welled up, but the tears did not fall. It was Kamaljit who broke down. "I don't know why I said those words. Maybe God spoke through me," she said. "When Karambir called me to tell me they had not survived, his voice was shaking badly. I said, 'Don't cry now. Wait till I come there and cry in my lap.' Now I tell him that we are not the only people in the world to have faced a tragedy like this. I tell him the story of Guru Gobind Singh who lost two sons himself, and he too was an ordinary man like us, who rose through his sufferingu00a0we have to learn from his example and try to be like him in adversity, even though we are not as strong.u00a0 But my son too is very brave. When he can't take the grief any more, he and I go to another room and then we cry and the roof comes down."

She can find no reason for why this had to happen to her brave, gentle, level-headed boy, the brightest student among others in the family and one who never picked a fight. "We believe in God, but we cannot understand his ways," she said. "Even today we are not conducting any special prayers. You can see we are just the way we are. But there must be some meaning to this which only He knows. I tell my son if God has saved you, it must be for a purpose."

Retired Major General Singh said they were visiting Karambir's sister Amrit Lamba in Bahrain when the attacks took place, and they flew to Mumbai immediately to be with Karambir. "My son had a love marriage and this April 10, Karambir and Niti would have been married for 15 years," he said, revealing that though Niti was not Punjabi, they were happy with his choice. "Niti did not have a father; so when they got married I told Niti's mother that we would not take the baraat to their house, but instead they should come to Chandigarh for the wedding." Niti's brother is in the US and her mother, who lives in Jaipur, is alone in India. "It will be very hard for her," said Singh.

Kamaljit's greatest concern is how Karambir will cope with the loss. "They were a perfect family." Niti, who also worked at the Taj (which is where she met Karambir), quit her job after they had Uday Singh. "She was very involved with her children, devoted to them," said Kamaljit, adding that Karambir himself was a hands-on father. "I don't know what he will do. It is too early. The entire family is in total shock and we cannot even express our painu00a0there are no words to do so. The entire tragedy has broken us completely."

Karambir revealed that it was Ratan Tata, his mentor, whom he turned to in his darkest hour. "He came to the funeral in Mumbai and stood by us till all the rites were completed," he said. "He is a remarkable man and I drew strength from his presence."

The aftermath of the tragedy has yet to sink in. "I just don't feel anything. I am numb," said Karambir. "I am eating, sleeping, doing everything as normally as I can, but I just don't feel anything. I can't think about anything. My mind is blank." The one decision he has thought through is that of returning to the Taj, which he will this year, once all religious ceremonies are completed.u00a0 An MBA from Symbiosis, Pune, Kang always wanted to be a hotelier.

"I felt it touched upon so many different facets of life and that is what I want to continue doing," he said, adding, "I will definitely go back to the Taj and work there. Why should I not? If I don't then all this is in vain and the terrorists will have won."

The resolve in his tone wavered at this point, but he concludes, "The memory of my family will stay with me as long as I live. For now, I just want to come to terms with my loss and I want some peace of mind."