Part II of this Mills & Boon story reveals disturbing details about our hero, the count
Part II of this Mills & Boon story reveals disturbing details about our hero, the count
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Last week, we published the first installment of our tribute to Mills & Boon. A nurse called Penelope tended to a Countess called Marion in casualty, at a London hospital. Dr Nirmal Singh discharged her -- she had a fractured tiara. As a gesture of thanks, the Countess invited Penelope to the Mandarin Oriental bar in London where we last saw her, setting eyes on the irresistible Count Sebastian Complimenti.u00a0
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"Crikey, that's a big bottle you've got there," said Penelope, barely able to contain her delight at being asked over by the Count.
Sebastian Complimenti splashed froth, from an uncorked magnum of Pol Roger, all over the bar, just missing Countess Marion and Penelope.
"Would you like me to hold that, Count?" said Penelope.
"It's a fine-a-missa nurse-y," said the Count.
She looked at his slender toned frame and couldn't wait to dig her nails into his shoulders, ripping his suit off.
The Count felt a rush of heat and adjusted the dead fox strewn across his shoulders as he filled Marion's glass.
She was surprised not to have noticed the animal before. "Poor thing," she mused, "to think it once stole chickens."
"I shottit maself," said the Count. "Eez friend of mine in the country, proper a-shoota-foxy Englishman.
Endangered-a-species these days. Eez againsta the law to shoota di Englishman. Haha. Hahahahhaaahha."
"Hee."
He leaned over -- his proud Roman nose vacuuming the scent of Penelope's perfume. "Chanel, Chanel, the unmistakable aroma, like mamma's chicken risotto."
"I smell like your mum's risotto?"
"Ah bella, I jest, there is something rustico about you, you're probably the only, how do say, I forgetty, no have da botox."
"You're not only handsome, Count, you're a charmer," said Penelope and then thought to herself, "Did he just call me spaghetti?"
A short man in a bowtie appeared out of the swaying crowd and stood on tiptoe to whisper something in the Count's ear. The count whispered something back and the man disappeared.
"That's one of my dwarfs," he said.
Penelope looked shocked.
"Oh don't be so surprise-y," said the Count. "Eeza messenger. Like-a-ma iPhone-a-Blackberry. He donna break down-y.
"Ah."
There was a pause. The Count got talking to a woman who had recognised him. Penelope turned to her host, Countess Marion who was looking up tiaras on eBay on her mobile while demolishing a bottle of whiskey.
The short man returned and whispered in the count's ear -- either that or he was licking it, she couldn't tell.
"Marion," said Penelope.
"Yes, dahlin'" said the Countess, affecting a Cockney accent.
"I mean he seems lovely but that fox on his shoulders, bit strange, no?"
"He probably picked it off the floor from someone's house he repossessed."
"Repo...?"
"Yes, I'm afraid, owns a chain of debt collectors -- no doubt connected to the mafia."
"Mafia?" Penelope went weak in the knees on hearing the word -- suddenly it didn't matter if it was a fox or a salmon on the Count's shoulders.
The short man appeared again and whispered something into the Count's ear.
"And who's that?"
"Oh, that's Felix," said the Countess. "The Count likes to have his ear licked by short men in public. It's a fetish."
Penelope looked at Marion's bottle of whiskey -- she was halfway through it. She stopped her pouring another slug. The Count wiped his ear as the short man scuttled off.
Marion excused herself to throw up in the ladies room. The Count invited Penelope to join him in a booth -- he put his arm around her and she brushed the fox tail away from her face.
"You're kind of foxy," said the Count.
"Hee-hee," said Penelope.
The hubbub seemed to hush as the Count went to whisper something in Penelope's ear.
She felt the heat from his breath and then remembered how he'd 'whispered' into the short man's ear.
"Penny," boomed a voice belonging to Dr Nirmal Singh.
"Doctor!" said Penelope -- shocked and overjoyed that her colleague had turned up out of the blue.
"I had to come," he said, panting. "The Countess told me you'd be here. And I just had to see you without your nurse's uniform."
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