His ideal pin-up had better have an IQ that's three times her cup size. And no, she isn't allowed to look like Jabba the Hutt either, writes Rohan Joshi
His ideal pin-up had better have an IQ that's three times her cup size. And no, she isn't allowed to look like Jabba the Hutt either, writes Rohan Joshi
There are many problems with contemplating the idea of a "thinking man's pin-up". For starters, you have to buy into the slightly ridiculous and completely implausible idea that men do, in fact, think.
And when you finally warm up to the idea, you realise most conventional pin-ups just sort of... slide out of contention.
So first, everyone who can't be a thinking man's pin-up: if you've adopted children from Africa and your name isn't Angelina, ciao. If you think a TV show is a great way to find yourself a groom, thanks for calling, but no. If you were ever on Roadies, sorry, don't let the door hit you on your way out. (Yes, Raghu Ram, that includes you) If you've ever been on stage and answered a question with "Mother Teresa", thanks, but this column (and the gene pool at large) no longer needs your services.
As the poet once said, Houston, we have a problem.
The truth is, men are superficial and demanding, all at once. Thinking men? Twice as superficial, twice as demanding. So conventional pin-ups have it easy; the more your neckline plunges, the higher your stock and search results rise, fueled by the fevered keystrokes of a million hormonal teenagers. Nobody expects you to do more than pout, do a few Bollywood pelvic thrusts and (if we're really lucky) get an MMS or wardrobe malfunction out there with your name on it.u00a0u00a0u00a0u00a0
On the other hand, the thinking man's pin-up (TMP, for short) has her work cut out. Everything that works for a normal pin-up will only bring about the TMP's downfall.
A Konkona Sen MMS? Unthinkable. A Nandita Das item number? The wedding is off. Nah, the thinking man, secure in his false sense of entitlement, is convinced he deserves more, deserves better. His ideal pin-up had better have an IQ that's three times her cup size. And no, she isn't allowed to look like Jabba the Hutt either, because then the thinking man would have to accept the sad reality that he looks like Chewbacca. In short, for the thinking man, the interview had better be as good as the centrespread it goes with.
The thinking man would like to believe that if he met his pin-up for dinner, the conversation between courses would last hours. He'd like to believe that between those pretty ears is a brain that can talk about everything from Pather Panchali to Premier League football (all topics that HE likes, of course). When he looks at her picture, up on his wall (or well, on his desktop), he imagines her getting his jokes, liking them, loving them even.
If he's really lucky, she'll fire a few back of her own. In his head, she's Lauren Bacall to his Humphrey Bogart.
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When she smiles, you know it's real because it goes all the way to her eyes instead of freezing somewhere above the upper lip, like the Joker's rictus-grin. A thinking man's pin-up laughs; a wonderful, normal, non-practiced laugh. A normal pin-up just says "lollz".
Every single beautiful woman I've ever seen interviewed in a magazine says they like guys who can make them laugh. The thinking man's pin-up goes one step further. She makes him laugh. Which explains why my closest friends would take a bullet for me on a normal day, but would gladly put six in me if doing so earned them a date with Tina Fey. She's gorgeous, she writes for (and presents) Saturday Night Live, she's got her own uber-funny sitcom (30 Rock), and she found time in the middle of all that to go off and have a baby, and take on Sarah Palin.
Your move, Rakhi Sawant.
It doesn't matter what field a TMP is from. Movies, music, wherever. The difference between her and any old pin-up is the sense that once the arclights go off, once the performance is over, somewhere under there, beats the heart of an individual. Someone who has their own, fiery sense of self, a personality that sticks out like an Indian in Australia. She's the Paro that'd stick by Dev D, not Devdas.
Daljit Dhaliwal. One of People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in the World. Is also an ex-BBC and CNN reporter who now spends most of her time flame-grilling politicians on television. Also has an MA in history, economics and politics from the University of London.
Konkona Sen, who makes up for every Laaga Chunari Mein Daag with an Amu, 15 Park Avenue and Mr and Mrs Iyer.
Angelina Jolie. Adopting enough children to enter an independent team into the 2024 Football World Cup, but as likely to be seen working with the Red Cross in Darfur as she is on the red carpet at Cannes.
Pop-quiz for Jessica Simpson: spell Darfur. For extra credit, point it out on a map.
I think the biggest difference between the average pin-up and a thinking man's pin-up is this; the average pin-up is defined by her, er, pin-upness. You desire her because she's a pin-up. But a thinking man's pin-up is off being a billion other things. She's off being an actress, she's off campaigning for something that will make a difference to someone's life. Most importantly, she's off being herself. The fact that she's gorgeous is just a lucky roll of the genetic dice. And that right there is the biggest epiphany of them all when it comes to the thinking man's pin-up. When time cruelly, and inevitably, takes those pin-up-looks away, you'll realise that it was really never about them at all.
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Rohan Joshi is a 26-year-old writer who also reviews cars on Times Drive, an auto show. He is single, so spends all the time other people spend with girlfriends reading, blogging, devouring cinema, destroying his liver, and agonising over what's going to happen on the final season of Lost. He has an irrational fear of cockroaches, early mornings and deadlines. He would also like to let the reader know that he did not apply to be on Rakhi Ka
Swayamvar.
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