Aaj ka Western family

I am most impressed to see how swiftly the modern Western family is morphing, and with all the living arrangements people have today, with or without marriage

Aaj ka Western family

Illustration/Ravi Jadhav

Meenakshi Sheede I've been spending three weeks in Europe. Mainly, I went for the Berlin Film Festival, for which I am India and South Asia Consultant. But after the festival, I went gallivanting, watching Mozart's The Magic Flute at the Deutsche Staatsoper Unten den Linden in Berlin, All the Rembrandts exhibition at the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, and generally catching up with friends. I am most impressed to see how swiftly the modern Western family is morphing, and with all the living arrangements people have today, with or without marriage.

Otto*, who is German, and I, have been friends for 25 years. He recently became a grandfather. He has been in a relationship with Angela* for perhaps five or six years; they share a house and the rent. Now, Angela fell in love with one of Otto's friends, Stefan*. She told Otto to please make himself scarce every other weekend, so she could enjoy some intimate time with Stefan. Otto rather decently (and in my view, too quickly) agreed. He felt that if she didn't love him anymore, there was no point in the relationship. So, why shouldn't she carry on with someone else?

So every other weekend, Otto vanishes, leaving the flat free for the new lovebirds. He stays with this friend or that, and once, when that didn't work out, he even checked into, and paid for, an Airbnb. Otto sounded miserable. But his misery seemed to stem more from the tacky linoleum-y flooring at the Airbnb, than his girlfriend dumping him for his own friend. If an Indian man found his wife having an affair with his best friend, I can only imagine him responding by dragging his wife by her hair into the street and kicking her out of the house. Can you even imagine a cuckolded Indian husband looking for an Airbnb to get out of the way, so his wife and her lover can do aish, khullam-khulla?

Another couple, Maria* and Heinz*, are friends of mine, too. Maria, a single mother with two children, lives in Karlsruhe, Germany, and will be 60 this year. Heinz, who has a daughter by a previous marriage, lives in Basel, Switzerland, and is 73. They dated for six years — this included tango-dancing — and married in 2011. They both have busy careers in different countries. They spend holidays together; they share a home in Berlin; and their children are good friends.

Over a breakfast of blueberry pancakes, Maria mentioned that they have a marriage contract. They divide Heinz's income into parts: one part they spend together, and another part is for living expenses, rent, health insurance, etc, that each spends on their own. Heinz gets 50 percent more than Maria, as living in Switzerland is more expensive than in Germany. If Heinz passes away before Maria, she will get a monthly income from his property, so she is looked after in her old age.

I am fascinated by the variety of living arrangements organised by the modern Western family. Monogamy, it seems, is for the birds.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Meenakshi Shedde is South Asia Consultant to the Berlin Film Festival, award-winning critic, curator to festivals worldwide and journalist. Reach her at meenakshishedde@gmail.com

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