I haven’t still hugged Vidhie. I’ll need court permission for that: Indrani Mukerjea

The biggest conundrum that most journalists grapple with in their lifetime is questioning without judgment Being objectivemdasha word used and abused in equal measuremdashcan often be limiting especially in the pursuit of truthThis makes it harder to practice it we are thinking to ourselves as we wait outside the gates of Marlow CHS on Pochkhanawala Road in Worli Itrsquos 945 am we are 15 minutes ahead of timeThe subject of our interview Indrani Mukerjea has requested 10 minutes before we can be escorted up by her driver Mukerjea once a media executive is prime accused in the 2015 Sheena Bora murder out on bail barely a fortnight ago in a criminal case of a mother killing her daughter considered as one of the most sensational to emerge out of Mumbai in recent timesPicsAshish RaneAt five past 10 the security letrsquos us in The driver accompanies us up to the studio apartment No words are exchanged until we reach the flat where Indrani is waiting at the doorSix years and nine months ago on August 25 2015 Indrani was arrested from the same building by the Mumbai Police on charges of murder and kidnapping Sheena who had been missing since April 24 2012 was the daughter of Indrani with her expartner Tripurabased Siddhartha Das That Indrani was the wife of once media baron and Star TV CEO Peter Mukerjea and a media executive herself took the ordinariness out of an already shocking story Indrani has since been shuttling between courtrooms and the Byculla Womenrsquos Jail from where she was released on bail on May 20She is wearing a blush pink chiffon saree her feet in home chappals She offers us tea but we settle for water which she pours out from a mineral water bottle into our glasses ldquoI have too many of theserdquo she saysThe apartment is small but roomymdashtherersquos a twoseater in front an open kitchen on the left and a fourposter bed on the right MF Husainrsquos art crowds a wall as does Pablo Picassomdashall part of Indranirsquos handpicked collection This is her temporary base ldquoVidhie Indranirsquos youngest daughter used to stay here when in Bombay Our flat was a floor below I am gradually settling in and after having spent more than sixandahalf years in confinement inside a cell I actually prefer something smallerrdquo she says as she settles into a leather sofa Since the matter is subjudice Indrani wonrsquot speak about the case ldquoThere has to be an element of trustrdquo she tells usThe last couple of days have been a blur ldquoMy day is looking really full at this point Irsquove been sorting out my home all my bank accounts and getting manpower together But most importantly I am trying to reestablish contact with people who I feel will qualify to stand surety for me Irsquove lost all my contacts My phone was confiscated and is still in court so is my computer Thatrsquos made it a bit difficultrdquo The special CBI court upon her release had directed Indrani to furnish a personal bond of Rs 2 lakh with one or more local solvent surety within two weeks On Thursday she sought a fourweek extension for the same ldquoThere are a lot of conditions for the surety The person has to be known to me should be a local and have a place of hisher own in Mumbai Also this person canrsquot be a lawyer or else one of my lawyers could have appeared as my surety I am primarily focusing on getting this done as soon as possiblerdquo Her search for a local surety crops up one too many during the interviewmdashthe struggle we deduce is real Nobody wants to go to prisonrdquo Indrani says of the time when she was arrested ldquoIt was a shock to my systemhellip a challenge thrown very unexpectedly at me Irsquove never jumped a red light in my life nor had I ever visited a police station prior to my arrest Not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself being accused of murder and that too of someone in my familyrdquo Emotionally she says ldquoI was in piecesrdquo She however claims that nothing hit her as hard as the implications that her eldest child Sheena was no more ldquoThat caused a huge emotional upheaval within me Itrsquos one thing if somebody doesnrsquot want to talk to you for the rest of their life and that happens in any familyrdquo she says adding ldquoThe incarceration was no doubt difficult But I was not worried about the incarceration as much as the possibility of Sheena not being therehellip that was disturbingrdquo she addsIn an interview Indranirsquos lawyer Sana Raees Khan claimed that there was enough ldquoCBI evidencerdquo to establish the fact that Bora had been exchanging messages with her fianceacute Rahul MukerjeamdashPeterrsquos son from his first marriage and Indranirsquos stepsonmdashtill until September 2012 which is almost five months after she had gone missing ldquoThese are DFSL Directorate of Forensic Science Laboratoriescertified messages that have been retrieved from Rahulrsquos phonerdquo Khan had maintained in the interview Indrani tells us she is ldquogratefulrdquo that such evidence actually exists ldquoItrsquos a relief to know that she could actually be alive That makes me feel emotionally betterhellip just the fact that she could be somewhere out thererdquoIn November 2021 Indrani in a letter to the CBI had also claimed that an inmatemdashldquoa female government officialrdquomdashhad told her that Sheena was seen in Srinagar Kashmir The CBI however called the claims ldquoimaginaryrdquo and ldquonext to impossiblerdquo ldquoSheena Bora is dead and she was killed by Indrani Mukerjea in conspiracy with other coaccusedrdquo the CBI had said in its reply filed before the special court in March this yearAt Byculla Womenrsquos Jail Indrani was housed in a separate cell As an undertrial she didnrsquot engage in any hard labour ldquoThe prison routine was surely different from the life I led prior to my arrest It didnrsquot upset me majorly except for the fact that I would get locked in my cell at 530 in the evening That was a bit tough at least initially At home you are not used to somebody locking you from the outsiderdquo Indrani says she spent most of her time readingmdashbooks and newspapers that she had subscribed tomdashwriting doing yoga praying and connecting with other inmates ldquoI was very conscious about abiding by the prison rules in every possible way and tried to spread a lot of positive energy I also became very spiritualmdashI learnt to recite the Mahamrityunjay Mantra Hanuman Chalisa Shani Chalisa Gayatri Mantra and Bagalamukhi Kavach regularlyrdquoIndrani points to a shelf in her apartment where she has placed cutouts of pictures of Lord Ganesha Goddess Laxmi Dattaguru that she found in newspapers and magazines In her cell she says these pictures were placed atop a cardboard box covered with a magentadupattamdashthe best she could find ldquoThat was my temple I would sit and talk to them I derived a lot of positivity and strength when I did that Prayer became a big part of my life I would spend at least two hours praying every dayrdquo she shares adding ldquoI brought all these pictures with merdquo The writing inside the jail includes completing 23 chapters of a twopart book ldquoBut I cannot talk about it right nowrdquoInterestingly Peter now her exhusband also published a book last year part memoir and part story of the Indian television industry He however refrained from talking about the case which drove a wedge between him and Indrani Peter was arrested on November 19 three months after her on charges of causing disappearance of evidence and giving false information to screen an offenderBora is alleged to have been strangled in a car and her body dumped in a Raigad forest The CBI chargesheet mentioned Indrani her then driver Shyamvar Rai and her first husband Sanjeev Khanna as accused In April 2018 Indrani sought a divorce and sent Peter a legal notice at Arthur Road Jail where he was then lodged The couple was granted divorce two years later in October 2019 While Indrani says that she hasnrsquot given a thought to giving up the ldquoMukerjeardquo surname she says that things had changed between the couple on the day of her arrest itself ldquoPolice officials in civil clothes had picked me up from an orphanage called Anand Niketan in Mahalaxmi and brought me home but refused to tell me what I had done wrong They told me that there had been an accident and that they wanted to question me regarding the same When Peter returned home after a couple of hours the police took him to the balcony and told him why I was being questioned It was Peter who first broke it to memdashhe said I was being charged for the murder and kidnapping of Sheena My instant reaction was that this was utter rubbish But itrsquos at that moment when I saw a sudden change on Peterrsquos face I remember that expression till date and Irsquom trying to come to terms with what that was all about Honestly I am still at a lossrdquo She says that what broke her was when the police said that shersquod need to come with them for questioning ldquoI started crying and hugged Peter begging him to do something Normally he is great hugger But that day I felt like I was hugging a stranger He was cold and distant As a woman I am very intuitive That was the day I realised that Peter wasnrsquot going to be there for me I think he distanced himself from me the moment he was told about the accusations against merdquoIn the days following her arrest Indrani says she yearned to see Peter in court and the police station ldquoBut he never showed uprdquo Neither did he come for any of the ldquomulaqatsrdquo in prison In one of the letters that Peter wrote to her she claims that he spoke about continuing with the plan of celebrating his 60th birthday in Goa in November 2015 ldquoI thought to myself whether this was even for real He doesnrsquot get time to see me but was busy making plans to celebrate his birthdayrdquoHis alleged decision to oust her from his insurance policies investments and properties some of which she claims they had jointly owned turned matters on its head ldquoI had no siblings My mother died 15 days after I was arrested My father died later of a heart attack I had lost all family support Initially I was angry and hurt But as I started meditating and doing yoga I began to let gordquoIndrani says that Peter started reconnecting with her after he got arrested two days prior to his 60th birthday ldquoI think he realised what it was to be arrested for something one had not done and perhaps even regretted taking the stance of abandoning me after my arrest Itrsquos possibly why I am still cordial with him after all that has happenedrdquoDespite the divorce Indrani says ldquoshe still cares for Peterrdquo ldquoI have always loved him Love doesnrsquot cease to exist Tomorrow if he needs me because he is unwell or going through a bad phase I will leave everything to be by his side But I do not think I will ever take that leap of faith with him anymore as a partner or a spouserdquo At this point in the interview Indrani takes a break for tea This is her second cup in an hour Her house help who is in the pantry has been trying to get her attention Indrani senses her restlessness and asks if she wants to leave for the day ldquoThey the house staff and some junior exemployees are my new friends They are even willing to stand as surety for me Meanwhile the people I used to think were my friends are calling me for luncheons and dinnershellip yet none of them have offered this kind of help to me Now I feel Irsquod rather get to know the people living in the slums and chawls of the city The prison walls have broken the outside barriers for merdquo shares Indrani hinting that shersquod be getting into activism in the future providing legal and financial aid to some of the inmates whom she got to know during her prison time Her lawyers Edith Dey and Sana Raees Khan she says are now family ldquoEdith is a close friend and like a sister to me Sana is one of the most important people in my life today I owe my freedom to her She is like my fourth childrdquo she says of the lawyer who came on the case only 10 months ago and successfully managed to get her bail on the 10th request to the courtThe diversion leads us to talk about Indranirsquos children Sheena and Mikhail and Vidhie Mukerjeamdashdaughter from her first husband Sanjeev Khannamdashwho was adopted by Peter During the early days of the investigation several theories had floated around Indranirsquos relationship with Sheena Peter has said in media reports that he and the family were told that Sheena and her brother Mikhail were Indranirsquos siblingsIn a book titled Devilrsquos Daughter which Vidhie published last year she too claimed that Sheena had been introduced as Indranirsquos sister who lived in Guwahati and had come to study at South Mumbairsquos St Xavierrsquos College Around us however Indrani doesnrsquot shy away from acknowledging any of her childrenOnly Vidhie whom she shared a complicated relationship with continues to be in touch with her she says ldquoWhen I got married to Peter he was 47 while I was barely in my 30s He was very happy to have this little girl Vidhie in his life whom he really indulged She was emotionally closer to him I on the other hand was the disciplinarian in the familyrdquo Vidhie had been studying at boarding school in England Indrani says that when she realised that Vidhie was slipping in her grades she had given up everything to be closer to her ldquoI wanted her to get her life in order and become more organised Of course there were differences because of thisrdquoShe says that when both Peter and she got arrested ldquoVidhie still had memories of Peter as the overindulgent father and me as the tough momrdquo ldquoThat it is when and how we parted in 2015rdquoVidhie too admitted to this writer in an earlier interview that she had stopped responding to Indranirsquos letters and even visiting her in prison because ldquoshe wasnrsquot really equipped to deal with what was going onrdquoIndrani justifies ldquoShe was confused and emotionally disturbed and under a lot of pressure I think she joined the dots on the basis of the information she was fed by othersrdquo The two eventually reconciled and Indrani says she also helped edit her daughterrsquos graduation assignments When Vidhie wrote the book which throws light on their complex relationship and family dynamic Indrani says her daughter had sent her the draft to read ldquoTo be fair Vidhie did say that lsquoMum if therersquos anything you want to remove from this book I can do itrsquo My lawyers were wary too because they felt a lot of it was based on assumption including the title Devilrsquos Daughter They even suggested putting a stay order But I refused I felt it was important for her to say whatever she wanted tordquoVidhie 24 had dedicated the book to Indrani which read ldquoI do not understand some of her decisions and actions and hope to get some answers and clarity in the coming yearsrdquo Indrani says now ldquoAll the questions that she has raised in the book I am hoping to give her an answer to them some day either through my deposition or personallyrdquoShe hasnrsquot been able to see Vidhie yet ldquoI havenrsquot still hugged her I will have to take court permission for thatrdquo Indrani claims to share a similar fondness for Mikhail who in a previous deposition before the special CBI court had blamed Indrani for the ldquoterrible condition of his grandparentsrdquo and alleged that she tried to kill him too ldquoWhen I left home in Guwahati Mikhail was a baby I reconnected with him when he was in school And no matter what Mikhail feels I will never stop loving him The day he reaches out to me I will be there to protect him Nobody can understand this but in his heart Mikhail knows that in my own way I have always done my best for him and protected him to the highest degreerdquoShe also denies being partial to any of her children ldquoI love all my children equally and unconditionally I pray for them every day People who have written or said malicious and fallacious things donrsquot even know me or about my life The problem is that even if you are perfect there will always be someone whorsquoll find faultsin yourdquo Indrani says the spiritual turn her life has taken has helped her heal ldquoAnd as you heal forgiveness becomes easier This is what I have experiencedrdquo She tells us that she has been diagnosed with irreversible brain ischemia ldquoI have blockages in my brain vessels which restricts the supply of oxygen and blood to my brain I donrsquot know how many years I have left I could just pop it tomorrow If I am a good soul I will die very earlyrdquo she smilesAs we call it a wrap Indrani asks this writer for her email address Therersquos the number 87 in our ID ldquoIs that the year you were bornrdquo she asks curious We remember it was the year Sheena was born tooldquoYesrdquo we respond Therersquos silence but it is fleetingmdashit arrives as quickly as it leaves