Words are all we have

So what are we missing?

Dr Avinash Pandey, an Associate Professor who teaches linguistics at the University of Mumbai, believes that the way you address someone sets the tone with the person. “Language defines a relationship between people or between social groups. This is a point which is not often appreciated enough. The way one might talk to a friend is not the same way you would talk to a colleague,” he says. “With a friend you are making a different linguistic choice, it’s less formal,” he adds.

When taking offence to words, Pandey believes this lack of acknowledgement is often when disagreements happen. “When people generally say something offensive or something like ‘That’s not what I meant’ they fail to realise that it’s still offensive because you are in a way defining a relationship,” says Pandey, adding that the gap between the intention and reality needs to be addressed. “So maybe calling a woman ‘darling’ might have been more acceptable several decades ago. People like Ram Kapoor who say ‘That’s how we speak’ don’t realise that the social dynamic has changed. Now you have to define relationships differently; therefore, you have to make different choices,” he adds. We hear many calls for action, but then this is often also followed by reactions like “lip service” and “empty words”. So do words really matter, and to what extent? 

The eloquent Tharoor has got the country enamoured and entertained; (right) Ram Kapoor’s inappropriate words have left many reeling

“Disagreements about language choices, especially choice of words, is often observed at the beginning of any social movement and a lot of it has come through linguistic practice,” says Pandey. “So you can’t talk to a woman the way you talked 50 years ago. You have to be more mindful, and you have to keep showing in practice that you are aware of gender issues. You may not practise it behind closed doors, but you have to in public. That was missing earlier. With the queer community we have seen them gain some ground in terms of their issues being recognised, which wasn’t the case even a few years ago,” he adds.

Pandey believes in the speedbreaker theory. “When people are stopped from addressing a queer person in an unacceptable way, or using a casteist, sexist slur, a mental speed breaker on established ways of speaking and thinking is created,” he says. “Now we need to build on the momentum of the recognition language gives us and take it to the next level and see actual change on ground,” he adds.

Beyond the pronoun

Prithvi Vatsalya 
Lead, digital communications, Centre for Public Impact

Prithvi Vatsalya 

Prithvi Vatsalya, who transitioned a few years ago, seems to agree with Pandey’s view of on-ground change. “Frankly speaking, it’s 2025 and I’m sick of having to still talk about pronouns. There is so much more that LGBTQiA+ people are fighting and striving for. Language is important, but so is healthcare access, legal protections, housing security, workplace equality, trans safety and dignity, inclusive education, mental health support, family rights, and freedom from violence and discrimination,” he says. 

He explains to us how the right language leads to recognition, “Language shapes the way we see ourselves and each other. It shapes how we experience the world, but it’s one piece in a much larger puzzle. Talking about pronouns can sometimes feel like revisiting square one, when our nation urgently needs to move forward on structural change.”

When we add Indian languages into the mix, though, Prithvi has an interesting insight, “On a personal note: I grew up speaking Telugu, but to this day, I don’t know a single word in my mother tongue that lets me refer to myself respectfully as a transperson. That absence isn’t just linguistic — it’s social, cultural, existential. It’s a silence I’ve been expected to live with... but it’s also what pushed me to start crafting my own language, one rooted in truth and self-respect,” he adds.

Words are etiquette, too

Sabira Merchant
Etiquette coach

Sabira Merchant

Sabira Merchant, an etiquette coach who trains Miss India aspirants, says that recently she has been seeing more men register for her coaching than ever before. “Men are registering a lot more than they used to; they want to know how to speak, behave and be a well complete person more than just being a complete man. I have seen wonderful men who work on themselves and strive to be a much better human being than anything else,” she adds.

The men as well as women learn to be great conversationalists as well as respectful while addressing their peers. “There is no great accomplishment in being rude, no matter the gender,” she says. “In India there is much more awareness about how to speak than when a few decades back. People who are interested read up about it on the Internet and take steps to inculcate it in their daily life,” she adds.

Generational misogyny

Swarali Marathe
Psychotherapist, Mumbai

Swarali Marathe

Swarali Marathe feels that the often-abused word “generational trauma” is what men are experiencing — a generational misogyny. “I think they are struggling with this idea of modern men who believe in equality, who say all the right things, who have concerns, etc. But deep down, this (misogyny) is generational, a part and parcel of your cognition,” she says. “So while sometimes they may change a gesture or two, or manners, it’s a very superficial change. But has it really reached your core belief system?” she asks.

She also sees humour being used as a coping mechanism in many. “It also comes from the lack of cognisance about the fact that humour is trauma for certain people that they’re healing from,” she says. “And when we look at it from the lens of language, we have to understand that language was also developed in a certain way that shows status, class, religion, all of it. For example, People who comment like what Ram Kapoor has said indicate that they can not perceive a people’s identity especially women beyond her clothes,” she adds.

Do your homework!

Neha Singh
Why Loiter Movement

Neha Singh

Neha Singh is a feminist and is a part of the Why Loiter campaign where women often walk at night in groups to express autonomy over their space. Reacting to Ram Kapoor’s apology a day after mid-day broke the news of his being taken off the promotions for the series, she says, “This kind of apology is hardly an apology. It’s like  putting the onus on the victims for feeling offended, Saying people were offended with his “harmless humour” and then also victimising himself by saying that “now he can’t be his normal, bindass self. But the truth of the matter is that as a public figure, especially when people are influenced and inspired by you,  and you need to do your homework and figure out what is appropriate, what is inappropriate, what is sexism, misogyny, casteism, Islamophobia, homophobia and frame your words in a sensitive manner.”

The words used to describe women matter more than we may realise, she adds. “Derogatory words make up what is called rape culture. Joking about a gang rape tries to normalise or desensitise people about the gruesomeness of the act. Even positive comments focusing only on women’s bodies and morality make up part of rape culture..”

‘DEI never included caste’

Rahul Sonpimple 
Founder President of All India Independent Scheduled Castes Association (AIISCA)

Rahul Sonpimple 

Casteist slurs are only too common in everyday parlance — words like Bhangi, Chapri, much more and much worse, often get little to no reaction. Rahul Sonpimple feels like their continued use is not because of a lack of awareness. “There is awareness. As compared to earlier times, today we have modern technology, people have access to information on how to refine their language or even to speak on political reform,” he says.

So why do these extremely triggering words continue to be used in the against Dalit-Bahujan-Adivasi-Vimukta (DBAV) community? “It is a conscious effort to not use those politically correct terms when it comes to caste. 

Also, let’s be honest, language is basically the representation of your consciousness. Not just the individual consciousness, but the community and social consciousness,” he adds.

These barriers, he feels, are hard to overcome on a subconscious level. 

“Cognitively it is so inseparable from people’s minds that it is almost difficult now, unless they put extraordinary effort, to basically not hate Dalits or 
other them,” he adds. This schism is even more pronounced at the corporate level, he says. “Corporate India is largely influenced by the western world. So are news outlets, for that matter. 

So we see their concepts of diversity, where they talk about LGBTQiA, racial diversity, and gender diversity, but you don’t find caste here,” he adds.

What’s the Ram Kapoor faux pas?

If you have been living under a rock  — on June 19 during the promotions of his new dramedy, Mistry, the actor said that after a heavy day of interviews he felt 
as he was “gangraped”.

He then looked at one of JioHotstar public relations woman team member and said, “The clothes are distracting”.

The actor was benched from all promotions and a day later came out with this defence to a media outlet,  “Let me start by saying that everything I’ve been accused of saying, I have said it. So, the fact is that I am guilty as charged. But this is what I have to say in my defence. Whenever I’m with people I am comfortable with, I tend to become my bindass self,” he said.

To the latter allegation of the comment on the women ‘s clothes, he has said, “If they are in my line of sight, how can I not look?”

Finding your way around the algorithm

The internet has had one of the most interesting effects on the way that language evolves. As censorship reigns free on Instagram, young people are finding ways to talk about controversial subjects still. Words change shape and spelling in the following ways:

These are just a few examples of what is being termed ‘Algospeak’. Spandana Bhura, 21, tells us, “It’s about sensitivity. Unalive is usually used in the context of suicide. You say ‘unalive myself’ instead of ‘kill myself’. Suicide is an extremely sensitive subject and most people don’t realise the intensity of the word ‘kill’. ‘Unalive’ just seems like the more gentle world.”

Bhura also believes that Algospeak is Gen Z’s way of being political. “When there was a lot of uproar about Palestine on social media, there was also a lot of censorship on Meta. The algorithm is rigged, that’s not a secret any more. And so, people came up with the watermelon symbol.” The watermelon emoji was used to represent Palestine as it has the same colours as the flag of Palestine. Bhura continues, “It’s inherently political. All these words are parts of conversations that need to happen, part of dissent. The algorithm wants to censor us, but we will find our way around it.”

Sex = seggs
Kill = unalive
Rape = grape
Sexual assault = SA
Paedophile = PDF file

Why we love Shashi Tharoor

Shashi Tharoor

Tharoor broke the Internet with words that made us doubt if they ever existed — but he was never wrong.

From  Farrago to Perspicacity to the unforgettable Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, he says the right words at the right time and without losing his temper.
Tharoor’s dispassionate debates at British universities and eloquent way of putting it for just how much the rule drained from Indian coffers are often periodically circulated on social media. 

Tharoor once said to news channel, “Every day when I pick up the newspaper there is some incident... some women has been assaulted. It could be a college student, a child, or a middle-aged lady. (There must be) something wrong with Indian men if we can’t address this problem,” he had said.

With inputs from Akshita Maheshwari

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