After 20 years, he wants marriage!

I am a 52-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a 60-year old man for almost two decades. We never married because we were comfortable with a live-in situation and it has suited us very well for all this time. We love each other a lot and have always lived with no regrets about our decision. He recently suggested getting married though, and I was surprised because this had never been an issue before. He says it’s for legal reasons and protects us both in the event of something happening to one of us. I understand the logic, but am afraid of what this may mean for our personal and private lives, and if it may change the equation between us in any way. Should we discuss rules or boundaries before getting married? Part of me is comfortable with just letting things stay the way they are because, to be honest, there is nothing wrong with this arrangement. Why tamper with it when there is no problem?
You’re right about not wanting to fix something that isn’t broken, but you have to understand his reasons and discuss them until you are both satisfied with why this arrangement needs to change. Things can obviously continue the way they always have, and it seems as if you should both know that after two decades together, but it is also nice to look at legal implications if they affect either of you financially. As for your fears of things changing, that depends solely upon how you both accept any change to your legal status. It is a piece of paper, after all, and shouldn’t have the power to affect any dynamic or bond that has been built over all this time. If neither of you want things to change, nothing will; it is as simple as that. If you have specific fears, talk about them. Either way, neither of you should have a problem with communication after all these years.

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