My girlfriend supports me but I can tell that this constant conversation at home is starting to get to her. What should we do?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 36-year old guy and have been dating a 25-year old woman for two years now. There were some concerns from my friends about us being able to get along because of the age difference but we have never felt any such difficulty. Recently, however, she has begun to deal with a lot of pressure from her parents who want to know if I am serious about this. They worry that I will turn 40 in four years and that I may leave her for someone my age. I have tried my best to tell them that this is not on my mind at all, but it feels as if they want to push us into an engagement which I am not comfortable with because I don’t want to be forced into it. My girlfriend supports me but I can tell that this constant conversation at home is starting to get to her. What should we do?
You should take your time, but tell your girlfriend that you intend to come to a decision at some point, not only because it is the fair thing to do but because you will find yourself at those crossroads soon enough, wondering if this is a relationship you want to take to the next level. Being coerced into an engagement is wrong, obviously, but given the difference in age and the valid concerns of her parents, it may make sense to at least try and offer them some information on what you intend to do, or when you intend to do it. It’s not an unreasonable request.
Should I tell my girlfriend that we are going to break up because I can’t stand her siblings, or come up with a fake reason to avoid hurting her feelings?
If you are going to end this relationship, you owe her the truth. Hurting her feelings is inevitable given your decision, so why not tell her what the problem really is and help her come to terms with why this has ended?
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