Why not give it more time and see what happens when you have had a chance to know each other better
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I was in a relationship that ended badly a few months ago. We broke off all contact, until I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend has been going out with a close friend. She didn’t say anything to me about this because she knows what happened and knew I would be upset with her decision, but I think this may damage our friendship forever. It feels as if she chose him over me, and deliberately said nothing about it because she knew she was doing something wrong and hurtful. When I asked her about it, she was defensive and said she hoped I could be mature about this. I haven’t responded and am thinking of cutting off all ties with her. Is this a petty thing to do? Should I lose a friend over this?
If you’re hurt, you can’t gloss over your feelings and pretend that everything is okay. If a friend does something that makes you question their loyalty or mutual trust, you should call it out. If she can’t explain why she has behaved in a certain way, and doesn’t prioritise your friendship, this isn’t a relationship that is as strong as you may think it is. It’s okay to make a decision that feels petty if it’s what you believe you should do. It’s also okay to change your mind in the future and have a conversation with your friend if and when you feel things have changed. You are dealing with pain and should allow yourself to react in any way that makes sense to you in the moment.
How long should someone wait to find some kind of chemistry between two people? I have been dating a guy for two months and still feel nothing.
The fact that you’re still going out with him is a sign that there is something you both share that wants you to repeat this exercise. Why not give it more time and see what happens when you have had a chance to know each other better?
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