Being with someone only because you’re lonely does yourself as well as the other person a disservice
Illustration/Uday Mohite
My boyfriend and I recently had a fight because he found me chatting with my ex. He has issues with that because my ex was abusive, and the break-up affected me for months. I only chatted with him because he reached out to apologise, but my boyfriend says I should have ignored him and blocked him. I have tried to explain that it’s not healthy to just block people, but he says he doesn’t want to be with me if I don’t stop speaking to my ex. I think this is unreasonable and unfair because I don’t make any such demands on him. I don’t try to control who he speaks to. We haven’t been able to chat for a few days because he is still angry and is waiting for my decision. What should I do?
You are both adults and are free to chat with anyone you both want to. Being in a relationship isn’t about control. It’s about partnership and understanding. If he doesn’t get that, whatever his reasons are, this is something he needs to understand and accept. You are free to block anyone you think is bad for you but are also free to engage with people who are bad for you if you believe you want to. It’s what being an adult is all about. Explain to your boyfriend why this is important and, if he thinks it matters more than his relationship with you, there’s nothing much you can do to save it.
I want to end a relationship but am also wary because I don’t know if I will be single for a long time. Loneliness frightens me, which is why I have stayed in this relationship for as long as I have. Is ending it a good idea?
Being with someone only because you’re lonely does yourself as well as the other person a disservice. You won’t know what being with someone you genuinely want to be with feels like, unless you go out there and meet new people.
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