He spoke to his ex behind my back...

My husband was in a relationship with a woman for five years before it ended and we got together. He was deeply in love with her and it took him a long time to get over it. When we married, I was sure he was finally ready to move on and we have been very happy for all these years since then. Around two months ago, I found out that he had been in touch with her again and had been chatting with her without my knowledge. When I asked him about this, he said he didn’t mention it only because he was worried about how I might react. When I pointed out that it was precisely because he was hiding this from me that I was now worried, he asked me to just let him speak to her because he missed her as a friend. Should I be concerned about this?
If he misses her as a friend, and wants to stay in touch, isn’t it better if he does this openly rather than in secret? Jealousy stems from insecurity, and you need to think about whether you have reasons to doubt him or feel insecure of your relationship with him. They may have had a past, but you and your husband are together in the present and presumably intend on being together in the future. If you have something on your mind, talk about it, and encourage him to speak about his feelings too, so he doesn’t feel the need to hide things from you. Also tell him that secrets like these inadvertently cause more harm than good because he may think he is protecting you from something, but is causing you pain instead. As for the person he was in a relationship with, it may make sense for you to acknowledge her presence and accept that she used to be an important part of his life. Why assume she intends to cause a rift between you and your husband without getting to know her first?

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