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I am so scared to date again...

Updated on: 29 June,2022 06:19 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

If that happens, I am afraid I may not be able to date anyone ever again, which frightens me

I am so scared to date again...

Illustration/Uday Mohite


I am a 27-year old woman and have been single for six years now, after a bad break-up. My ex-boyfriend was very controlling, and it scarred me to such an extent that I stopped dating. I recently met a guy who seemed very interesting and kind, and he asked me out, so I agreed. We had a very nice time and have been chatting online since that date. He asks me a lot of questions about my personal life, which I don’t talk about because I’m wary, but I don’t know if I am just being too cautious because of my past. I know he likes me because he has asked me out again, but I am afraid to say yes because I have no way of knowing if he will be as controlling or possessive as my ex. If that happens, I am afraid I may not be able to date anyone ever again, which frightens me. What should I do?
Your fear is justified, but six years is a long time to put your life on hold, because the only person you are harming in the process is yourself. You may have valid reasons to be afraid, because you are entitled to the way you feel, but you must consider that life is a learning process, and we evolve only by learning from our mistakes. You have put what you learned from your ex-boyfriend into practice by being wary with everyone else, but you are also tarring everyone you meet with the same brush, which is unfair to them. You can choose to protect yourself by not dating anyone else, or deal with this fear by confronting it and giving other people a chance. To let someone into your life is never easy, but it is also unavoidable if you intend to make a connection with someone. Whether that connection is strong, worth pursuing, or destined to last long, is something you can find out only by giving it a chance. There is no other way.


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