I break up after a few months...

How do I know if what I feel for someone is love, infatuation, or lust? I go out with a lot of people, but I can’t make up my mind if what I have is a real relationship with any of them. Because of this, what happens after a few months is that I start to question everything about the person I am dating. I then second-guess our relationship and break up even if I am happy to be with them. This has been going on for two years now, and I have not been able to have a steady relationship with anyone for more than three months. It is starting to feel like a problem, and I know I am the one doing this to myself. How do I break this cycle? How do I know if what I have is real?
It may help if you can think about why you want to be in a relationship, and what you expect from any potential partner. Any relationship can be about love, infatuation, or lust, but these usually arrive in stages and there is an evolution that occurs over time. If you aren’t letting yourself open up to someone, or if you aren’t thinking about where your partner’s expectations overlap with your own, you aren’t giving yourself an opportunity to think about what stage your relationship is in, hence your confusion. If this has been going on for two years, the best way to break this cycle is to stop dating for a while and give yourself some time to think about what you want. Try going out with someone for a few months without the pressure of figuring out how it is going to end, or what you think you feel. If you try and enjoy someone’s presence, talk about your expectations, and accept that time is the best judge, you may be able to find some form of clarity that has eluded you until now. Be patient, with yourself as well as anyone you date.

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